


If Tomorrow Never Comes

by LittleMissJaded



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 08:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4699088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissJaded/pseuds/LittleMissJaded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since his brush with death as a child, Brian has lived every day with the fear of not knowing when today will be his last. When the heart demons of his past surface once more, he is faced with the struggle of realizing that tomorrow is never promised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I started way back in early 2007 over on AbsoluteChaos.net. For several years, I stopped writing and then recently started back up with intentions to finally finish it. Any and all feedback is appreciated. :)

Laughter was the only sound ringing in his ears that was recognizable as he planted himself firmly upon the plush couch against the furthest wall. With a sigh of discomfort, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, willing the pounding pain in his head away and the palpitating of his heart in his chest to grow even. Seconds passed and still the pain weighing heavily on his body grew. For days he had felt his senses gradually begin to cloud over and he found himself unable to make sense of anything. While hardly sleeping at night, he was tired without any reserve of energy. His whole body ached to the point where he wanted to cry out in agony until finally he grew numb to all feelings. He felt like a walking zombie and still found himself unable to cry out for help. After all, it had started out as the simple repercussions of him caring for his son, Baylee, while the child had been ill with the flu. That had been nearly two weeks prior.  
  
“You alright, B?”  
  
Brian opened his eyes to find one of his closest friends hovering over him, frowning in concern. He tried to smile at Howie, to assure him nothing was wrong, but he knew the smile never appeared. The growing look in Howie’s eyes was enough to tell him that. Instead he barely nodded and focused his attention behind the man where his child was sitting at a small rectangular wooden table, deeply immersed in concentration as he showed a curious Nick his entire collection of Hot Wheels cars. Nick was cracking jokes amidst Baylee trying to quickly correct him, although the child failed at containing his own laughter. The pain stabbed at Brian’s ear drums, causing his head to pound harder. He brought both hands up to his face and rubbed tenderly at his temples.  
  
“You sure you’re alright?” Howie prodded. He found himself unable to ignore the fact that nearly every inch of Brian’s body was shaking as if he were freezing. Even more unsettling was the fact that Howie found the temperature in the room to be almost too unbearably warm, so he couldn’t comprehend how Brian could be reacting this way, as if he were almost feverish.  
  
“I’m just feeling a little under the weather,” Brian murmured in return.  
  
"You look-" Howie began, but found himself quickly interrupted.  
  
"Like shit," AJ chided lightly as he strolled into the room carrying several pizza boxes within his grasp. He paused briefly, taking in Brian's composure with his own concern, before walking over to the table and dropping the hot boxes directly on the middle of Baylee's car collection. He ignored Baylee's glare of disapproval and patted the child on the head before turning away. "What's your deal anyway?" he continued, removing his sunglasses. "You've been all emo and shit since you walked into the studio two hours ago. Missing the wifey much?"  
  
Even rolling his eyes burned, but Brian managed the task anyway. He heaved a deep breath, fighting the urge to grasp at his chest from the sudden tightening sensation. He winced desparingly, hoping none in the room had caught notice of the sudden change. "Just not feeling up to par today...I think Bay's flu is finally starting to catch up with me," he answered, closing his eyes again and focusing on slow, steady breaths of air. He felt suffocated.  
  
"You look a little more worse for wear then that," Howie noted.  
  
"Lack of sleep and taking care of a child with a killer case of the flu really takes it's toll on a father. You'll understand what it's like when you have kids someday," Brian snapped roughly, but he sank lower in his seat when he noticed the dejected look etch across Howie's face. "I'm sorry, Howie...I didn't mean it like that."  
  
Howie opened his mouth to answer, but Baylee sprinted over to break up the moment with an over exaggerated grin of excitement. He quickly shoved two metal cars into both of Howie's hands and slapped his father's knee playfully, pointing back over his shoulder. "Extra cheese pizza, Daddy! C'mon! It's lunch time! Time to eat! Eat! Eat! EAT!"  
  
Brian grimaced and shyed away from Baylee's touch. "Go ahead, Bay," he whispered. "You go have some."  
  
Baylee paused, still eying his father. He appeared to be considering the words his father had spoken, but the thought of such a delightful meal allowed him to discard any worries and he ran back to join Nick at the table, who was already tearing one of the boxes open and digging in.  
  
"You must be ill if you're refusing pizza?" AJ questioned with a raised brow. "You and Nick always used to be the first ones to dig in."  
  
"Just haven't been able to stomach much of anything the past couple of days," Brian wheezed and leaned forward quickly to rest his hands on his knees. He paled considerably in the face and felt his heart pound roughly against his ribcage. Pain soared through every inch of his body, making it almost unbearable to even be sitting up right. He struggled to draw a deep enough breath into his aching lungs.  
  
"Honest to God, Brian...you look as if you are about to pass out," Howie mentioned, lowering himself to be eye level with his ailing friend. "Maybe it's time for you to take a break from being a super hero father for a while and slow down. You look as if you haven't slept in days and you just said you haven't eaten much of anything. You need to go home and rest before you do yourself over worse then you already are."  
  
Brian weakly waved Howie's concern away with a quivering hand as he shook his head. "I can't. I have to watch after Baylee and besides, I delayed today's recording enough as it is because Baylee was sick two weeks ago. I can't do that to you guys again and Kev's due to arrive any minute-"  
  
AJ crossed his arms over his chest and stepped forward, signifying his way of closing any room for arguments. He snorted with arrogance for show. "I hate to agree with D, man," he interrupted, "But your ass should be at home in bed. Kevin's a grown man and can adapt to your absence. We'll accomplish whatever we can today as far recording goes without you, and as soon you are feeling better, we'll pick it back up where you left off. We just can't have you dropping dead on us here. Unacceptable."  
  
"You're a nut, you know that?" Brian mustered with a tiny smile and glanced upwards. "You're also terrible with words."  
  
"I try," AJ shrugged.  
  
"Just leave Baylee here and we will keep an eye on him. Besides, he'll be more entertained staying here then he would be stuck at home with you. It'll give you some time to yourself. As it is, he seems entertained enough just being around Nick over there."  
  
Brian sighed and allowed his head to hang limply forward. He knew there was no arguing his case. In all truth he wished he was already home, buried somewhere deep beneath his heavy down comforter, floating along in some sleep induced unconsciousness. Unwillingly though, he leaned further forward and struggled to raise himself from the couch. He smiled briefly as Howie's hand shot out to keep him from falling forward. "Want one of us to take you home?" AJ offered.  
  
"No need. I can make it just fine. You guys need to be here when Kev arrives."  
  
"B-"  
  
"You sure Bay won't be any trouble?"  
  
"We'll call if he accidently kills Nick or causes some sort of other terror around this place," Howie joked lightly. "I highly doubt a call home will be neccesary though. Just go."  
  
Brian nodded absentmindedly. "Right... Just call me if anything comes up," he said, reaching for his light jacket. It was near ninety degrees outside and he still felt as if the temperature was about to drop below zero the moment he stepped out the door. He offered quiet goodbyes to both men and quickly departed from the room so as to not catch Baylee's attention as he was leaving. Leighanne had been away for near a month, working on a few acting projects that appeared very promising and the absence of his mother had left Baylee nervous when it came to being alone. It had resulted in a struggle almost every day when Brian tried to step out of the room. He hated not taking his child home with him now, but found himself relieved in the fact that he would get a few hours to himself and hopefully some good rest. He was starting to believe that he was falling apart.  
  
Stepping out into the air conditioned hallway, Brian felt himself instantly begin to shiver and he paused to wrap his light jacket tightly around himself, although he knew it was a worthless attempt. The thin material of the jacket provided almost no warmth. Inhaling deeply, he focused his attention on walking along the white and grey tiled flooring as his equilibrium became off and it appeared his surroundings spun around him. He slowed the pace at which he was trying to walk, but the sudden change of movement made him all that more aware of the fact that with each new step he took, his steps became more sluggish. Brian attributed the feeling to exhaustion and pressed forward, fighting to ignore the fact that it seemed like he was treading through a thick river of mud and the hallway just kept getting longer.  
  
"Leaving already, Mr. Littrell?"  
  
Brian paused, fumbling an inch and slowly looked to his left, only to be met by a warm and friendly smile. It reminded him so much of the ones he would receive from his mother upon walking through the front door of his parents' house in Lexington. Instead, upon blinking rapidly for a second, he started to recognize through somewhat blurry vision the face of the receptionist. Without even realizing it, he had stepped out into the expansive entry way of the record building. "I-I'm sorry, Sandra?" he questioned in confusion, paying nonetheless any attention to the fact that he was suddenly very much out of breath.  
  
"You're leaving already?" Sandra repeated with the same smile that everyone seemed to remember her by. However, Brian's demeanor faltered and he failed to answer, taking the woman in her mid-fourties aback with concern. She leaned forward to study Brian. "Mr. Littrell...are you ok?"  
  
"Hmmm?" Brian answered, running a quivering hand through his tassled locks of dirty blonde hair. "Y-yeah...just not feeling so well. Heading home right now."  
  
Sandra frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that, hon. Do go home and rest though before you run yourself ragged."  
  
Brian attempted to smile but a sharp pain soared through his chest, followed by a most crushing weight that seemed to slam down on him immediately. He stumbled but fought to keep his composure as he tried to focus on the receptionist. "Can you do...me a favor and...let Kevin know when he gets...here tha-"  
  
"Mr. Littrell?" Sandra called out to him, but her comforting voice sounded distant and faded. Brian opened his mouth to answer, only to be silenced as a another sharp pain soared and he instinctively reached up and grabbed at his chest, a small moan of agony escaping his lips. "Mr. Littrell, what's wrong?"  
  
"I ca-...I can't bre-" Brian wheezed helplessly, his knees wobbling.  
  
"Brian!"  
  
He heard another familiar voice call out to him from up ahead, but before he had the chance to look up, he found his legs giving out from under him and himself sinking towards the cold tiled floor. His body hit hard with a loud thud that echoed throughout the entire room. Two pairs of foot steps thundered across the floor and the sound ripped at Brian's ear drums. He struggled for enough air, but it was as if his lungs refused to expand and the pain in his chest intensified. The pressure weighed his body down. He couldn't move. The next he knew, a pair of hands had grabbed his shoulders and rolled him onto his back. Brian found his cousin's face staring down at him, panic-stricken. "K-Kev-" He gulped for more air but nothing entered his lungs.  
  
"Call an ambulance, Sandra!" Kevin ordered, looking briefly over his shoulder at the receptionist before returning his attention to his cousin sprawled on the floor.  
  
Brian writhed against the cold tile. "Kev, I-I ca-can't br-"  
  
Kevin gripped Brian's hand, trying to keep his cousin's attention, but it seemed as if Brian could hardly focus on anything. "Just look at me, Bri!"  
  
"I-it hurts, Kev..." Brian gasped, fighting against the intensifying force crushing down on his body. "It h-hurts...I can't br-breathe..."  
  
"What hurts, Bri?"  
  
"It h-hurts... Kev...please h-help m-me..."  
  
"Help is on its way, cuz. Just hold on."  
  
Brian failed at a chance to answer as an explosive wave of pain burst through him and the grip of his older cousin's hand grew numb against his own skin. All he could see were the bright neon lights of the ceiling as his eyes rolled back into his head and the last thing he heard was Kevin shouting his name as he fell into a deadly unconsciousness that swallowed his body whole.


	2. Chapter 2

Kevin was unable to stop his right foot from tapping nervously against the ground as he sat hunched forward in a chair, his elbows pinned on his knees and his head resting in his hands. Steril smells of medicines and chemicals wafted sickeningly through his nostrils, reminding him where he was. Behind him on the wall, seconds on the clock ticked by, but it had felt like hours that they had all been sitting there. Sitting and waiting to be told anything. Images of the previous events replayed in Kevin's mind until it seemed as if his head was going to explode. He couldn't think straight and amidst it all, his stomach had managed to tie itself into extremely tight knots. He felt like he would lose the contents of his stomach at any moment and all he could hear were the desperate strangled cries ringing in his ears of his cousin begging Kevin to help him.  
  
"Any news yet?"  
  
Kevin looked up as AJ seated himself into the chair next to him, offering him a styrofoam cup of steaming coffee. "No, nothing yet," Kevin answered, shaking his head to decline the kind offer. Despite his throat being uncomfortably dry and scratchy, Kevin wasn't so sure he'd be able to stomach anything at that moment, whether it be liquids or not. He rubbed at his eyes and exhaled deeply, turning his head to focus on his somber friend. AJ didn't blink once under Kevin's stare and the redness of his eyes didn't escape Kevin that AJ had allowed himself a fair share of tears. Kevin didn't blame him. Death had become very apparent to all of them that afternoon and not one of them knew whether or not they would see their brother alive again. Just that thought alone hit Kevin hard in the chest like a pile of bricks. Tears had continuously brimmed his eyes since the moment he had watched Brian's eyes roll back into his head.  
  
"Someone should have come in to tell us something already," AJ grumbled and discarded his own cup of coffee on the table next to him. He raised himself from the chair and walked over to the large window on the far side of the room, staring blankly through the sun dusted glass. The glare of the sun burned against his irises, but he made no move to retrieve the pair of sunglasses from his pants pocket and shield his eyes.  
  
"He might not be out of surgery yet," Kevin suggested quietly, pressing the statement more for his own sake in the hope that his cousin was somehow still alive. He watched AJ for a moment longer, but realizing his friend's silence was a personal way of dealing with the present situation, Kevin lowered his head back into his hands. He found himself unable to process any of the thoughts racing through his mind and yet he still felt responsible towards everyone to be able to find a likable solution to everything. He couldn't think of a single thing and it left him feeling the least content that he had ever felt. Moments later a new pair of foot steps entered the waiting room, causing Kevin to glance up abruptly in hope that it would be someone dressed in a white lab coat bearing positive news. However, Kevin found himself frowning apologeticly with disappointment as Howie stepped further into the room. He could see the hopeful question reflecting in Howie's eyes and Kevin felt his stomach tighten as he shook his head, silently answering the question they were all still waiting upon.  
  
"Jackie and Harold should be here tomorrow morning," Howie spoke, his crisp voice slicing through the deadly silence. He'd taken it upon himself to contact Brian's family, although the task in itself had been hard enough. He had volunteered to make the call, knowing Kevin had been in a rather terrible state of shock upon arriving at the hospital and Howie preferred keeping himself busy as opposed to just sitting around and waiting.  
  
Kevin nodded, knowing full well if his cousin made it through the night, then it would do him much good to have his family by his side. "Did you get in touch with Leigh?" he questioned, knowing his cousin's wife had been rather difficult to get a hold of as of late. Her schedule had kept her time rather tight. But Kevin also knew Leighanne would be one of the first people Brian would be asking for. So when Howie shook his head to answer 'no', Kevin figured it would up to him later to reach his cousin's wife.  
  
"God, how long could a fucking surgery possibly take?!" AJ growled, slamming his hand against the window, causing the other two men in the room to jump in their seats.  
  
"It all depends on the type of surgery, Aje," Howie answered uneasily, knowing all too well how quickly AJ's temper could flare whenever he was upset. And given the situation, Howie wasn't sure to what extent his friend could possible take his temper this time. "We just need to stay calm-"  
  
"Stay calm, Howie?" AJ laughed cruely, turning around to face his friends. He narrowed his eyes dangerously, even though both Kevin and Howie could see past AJ's destructive demeanor and knew AJ was falling apart inside. He had never dealt well with tragedy.  
  
"J-" Kevin began.  
  
"No, Kevin! Maybe you can handle just sitting around waiting. I on the other hand actually want to know what the Hell is wrong with Brian. Maybe if I knew what was going on and what kind of fucking surgery they were doing to him, then I'd be content sitting on my ass and waiting!" AJ spat with a burst of broken emotion. He reached for the closed door's handle and slammed it open. "I just want to know what the fuck is going on so I'm going to stop sitting on my ass and go find out!"  
  
AJ made it barely a foot out the door before colliding directly with a man that towered several inches over him. He glared offensively towards the man, until he was met with a soft, apologetic smile and AJ realized the whole attire that the man was wearing. "Kevin Richardson?" the man questioned AJ hopefully, but before AJ could tell the man otherwise, Kevin was up from his seat and speed walking their way.  
  
"I'm Kevin Richardson," he corrected.  
  
"Yes. Mr. Richardson, I am Dr. Henrich," the man replied, shaking Kevin's outstretched hand. "I am one of a team of doctors overseeing your cousin's case."  
  
"It's about damn time!" AJ declared.  
  
"One of a team?" Kevin interrupted, ignoring AJ's outburst. "How many doctors does Brian need?"  
  
"Quite a team of specialists. However I have been assigned as his primary physician," Dr. Henrich answered. Kevin stared at the doctor blankly, unsure of how to read the hesitation in the man's eyes. Somehow Kevin figured he wouldn't like any sort of news this man had brought with him the moment he stepped through the doorway. "I was hoping to speak with you privately in the hall for a moment."  
  
"Of course," Kevin nodded and hushed AJ's disapproval with an icy glare that also pleaded with him to be patient and show respect. The two men stepped out of the room and Kevin shut the door quietly behind them. Once they were a few feet away from the doorway, Kevin turned to the doctor, his brows furrowing and his lips curling into a frown. "What's wrong with my cousin, Dr. Henrich?"  
  
"That is what I wanted to talk to you about, Mr. Richardson."  
  
"Is it the flu? Our friends were saying that he was complaining earlier this afternoon of feeling like he was coming down with the flu. He thought possibly he had caught what his son had two weeks ago." Dr. Henrich's facial features remained set in stone as he looked away briefly. "So maybe it's just the flu?" Even as the words left his mouth, Kevin was strongly doubting his own pathetic assumption. He just didn't want to believe it was anything more.  
  
Dr. Henrich shook his head. "I'm afraid it's something much worse then that."  
  
"What is it then?"  
  
"It's his heart, Mr. Richardson."  
  
*****  
  
He could feel himself floating along, warm and secure in a blanket of darkness. Periodic blurred images and lights flashed in his peripheral vision and skewed sounds faded into an unknown distance. But he could see nothing and had the sensation of sinking lower and lower into a black hole of fate that would never allow him to see the light of day again. He tried reaching out, but there was nothing to grasp ahold of. He tried yelling, but no sound escaped his lips. Only the sound of his heart pounding echoed in his ears. Then a brief, small burst of pain shook his chest and he gasped to suck in a breath of air, but it was strained and difficult as he tried to exhale. His lungs felt constricted and the warmth and security he had previously felt vanished, replaced by an utmost dread and fear. He suddenly felt as if he were drowning in an ocean of confusion, desperately clawing his way towards the surface before time ran out.  
  
A cold air settled over his body, jolting all of his nerves with electricity and pulling him from his numb state. He felt himself breaking the surface of the black hole he had been pulled under and a sufficing breath of air entered his aching lungs. He moaned quietly as his body quivered from the unpleasant temperature and he fought to open his eyes, but his eyes felt like they were held shut by a pair of invisible lead weights. Despite the struggle, he forced his eyelids to part until he began to catch sight of small, blurred objects all around him. The light was by no means bright or blinding, but it stung his eyes nonetheless and he quickly shut them again, hesitating as he opened them once more and blinking rapidly to allow his pupils to adjust.  
  
Moments later he cocked his head to the left and then to the right, attemtpting to get a better understanding of his surroundings which were looking more unfamiliar and foreign as the seconds passed. White walls, bare and sterile in appearance, seemed to close in on him from all sides and the only way out was a windowless door on the far opposite side of the room. Whoever had failed to decorate the bland room was considerate enough to mount a crudely painted picture of a flower vase on the wall to the left of the bed he was lying in.  
  
He looked down the best he could and noticed the white crisp linen sheets and top blanket that were hugging his frame. Several tubes ran next to his body and draped over the side of the bed, connecting with a multipurpose monitoring machine that was obviously delivering different fluids into his body through the tubing. His heart sank low into his chest as he followed the line of tubes and noticed they were indeed inserted into his left hand. A light blue speckled hospital gown lay lightly against the skin of his upper torso, yet he couldn't fail to notice the multiple wires poking out from beneath the thin material that lead to another machine at his right. It all added up but he found himself still unable to make sense of anything.  
  
Before he could think further, the door across the room slowly began to creak open, the hinges squealing quitely as it made way for passage. He turned his head to see a familiar tall figure step through the doorway, eyes down cast and a visible frown cast drawn across his face. Finally the man looked up and for a brief moment, a sigh of relief washed over his demeanor. "I didn't think you would be awake," Kevin mentioned hesitantly with a certain hint of surprise as he closed the door behind himself and strode over quickly. He looked his cousin over, frowning further at the frailty he saw before him. "Thank God you are awake..."  
  
Brian's eyebrows furled in a growing confusion as Kevin pulled a chair next to the bed and took an unsteady seat. "I...I don't understand," Brian whispered, surprised to find that he could barely manage to get his voice to project.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Kevin asked.  
  
Brian felt himself becoming rather unnerved from the small talk his cousin was attempting to begin. Something in Kevin's tone rattled every nerve in Brian's body, forcing his blood to run somewhat cold through constricted veins. "Tired...my whole...body is aching. what happened?"  
  
"You're in the hospital, Bri..."  
  
"I guessed that much," Brian mumbled, wincing as he shifted under the blankets. He gripped at the blankets, waiting for the burning sensation to pass, before pressed his sight onto Kevin again. "What happened?"  
  
"Do you remember anything that happened?" Kevin questioned, noting the pale tone of Brian's skin and how it seemed to be getting lighter and more grey as the seconds passed. He could see his cousin's condition deteriorating right before his eyes and Dr. Henrich's words continued to ring in his ears. It made Kevin sick to his stomach and it took all he had to sit there and face his cousin, knowing what he knew, when all he wanted to do at that moment was run and hide from the world. However, Brian barely shook his head 'no', his eyes begging for an explanation. Kevin felt like he could crumble under the pressure.  
  
"All I remember is not feeling well at the recording studio, then I woke up here," Brian answered after a long thought. "Howie and AJ were making me go home...said they would watch Baylee...Kev...what is going on?"  
  
Kevin looked away, searching his mind desperately for a way out. He couldn't say anything, yet knew that he would be doing his cousin a worst injustice by not telling him what Dr. Henrich had revealed. "You just need to relax right now, Bri..." he replied, his voice cracking. "I'm sure your doctor will be in here in a little bit to see you. You just need to relax and rest until then."  
  
Brian sighed, hating the way his body surged with pain at the mention of resting. Sadly, he was so drained he couldn't raise his head from the pillow, let alone get out of the bed. All he could picture himself doing was resting. "Where...is Baylee?" he asked a few seconds later, closing his eyes as a wave of exhaustion overwhelmed him. He felt so sore and cold.  
  
"Nick's watching him at your place. I didn't think it would be such a good idea for Baylee to be here all night and you've been out for quite a few hours," Kevin answered.  
  
"Is he ok?" Brian whispered.  
  
"He's fine, cuz. I talked to Nick on the phone a little while ago. Baylee was upset that you weren't home, but a McDonalds Happy Meal and Spongebob Squarepants suited him just fine," Kevin attempted to joke.  
  
"Don't tell Leigh."  
  
Kevin nearly rolled his eyes with a smirk towards the comment, knowing his cousin's wife was rather particular when it came to what was fed to her child. Brian was more lenient, however, it drove Leighanne up the wall. Kevin just couldn't understand how Brian could be finding any humor it all and it tore at Kevin's heart. "It's our secret," he answered. Kevin opened his mouth to speak further, hoping to question his cousin about what had led up, but he could see that Brian's breathing had evened out and become more shallow and he knew that Brian had fallen into another sleep. Somehow knowing that allowed him a sense of relief.  
  
Pushing his chair back, Kevin stood upon wobbly knees and moved in the direction of the doorway. He opened the door as quietly as possible and stepped into the hall, fighting to keep his composure. Brian looked as if death had already washed over him and Dr. Henrich warned it would only get worse. He made sure Kevin was well aware of the fact that their options were slim and time was of the essence. As it was, Brian's life was hanging on a thin line and he was living on borrowed time.  
  
Slowly Kevin made his way back towards the waiting room where he had left two of his closest friends to wait in question for his return. He hardly felt each step as the soles of his shoes slapped against the white linoleum tiled flooring and his mind wandered, becoming easy prey to the demons that seemed to be plaguing his soul at that very moment. Hot tears stung the corners of his eyes as he continued walking, fighting to keep his composure. All he could keep asking himself was where everything had gone wrong...how it had all started to so dangerously unravel. He wondered if his cousin had even had the slightest clue that something could be seriously wrong with him before he ended up in the hospital and if so, why hadn't he said a single word to any of them. Brian was a stubborn man, Kevin knew this. But he also knew Brian was well aware of the dangers of playing with fire when it came to his fragile condition that hung in the balance on a day to day basis since so many years before.  
  
Finding himself before the closed door to the private waiting room, Kevin attempted to collect himself with a bated breath and pushed through into the threshold. He immediately saw Howie and AJ sitting in opposite corners furthest from the door; AJ sat with his back almost facing Kevin as he stared blankly out a window into the night and Howie flipped through an old tattered magazine with a certain disinterest. However, the moment Kevin entered, both men gazed in his direction, waiting silently. But Kevin couldn't find it in himself to answer their silent interrogation.  
  
"What did Dr. Henrich say?" AJ was the first to speak as he turned his body fully around and sat straight up.  
  
Kevin remained silent as he paused briefly to study both his friends, then began moving towards the closest seat. He was afraid his legs wouldn't be able to withhold his body weight for much longer a period of time.  
  
"How is Brian doing? You saw him didn't you?" Howie asked hopefully, his deep brown eyes sparking with light. He frowned when Kevin still failed to answer either question and when the older man slumped forward in his chair, only to rest his head in his hands, Howie's felt as if it had just sank into the deepest pit of his stomach. "Kev? Is Brian ok?" he repeated hesitantly.  
  
"Kevin?" AJ called out quietly.  
  
Kevin finally looked up, his eyes washed over with hot tears and his voice came out strained as he spoke. "H-he...woke up b-briefly...hardly coherent and doesn't remember m-much of what h-happened..." Kevin explained softly, his foot tapping nervously against the floor as he struggled to keep a weakened grasp on his composure. He knew he was failing horribly. "He asked w-what happened... My cousin is d-dying and I...c-couldn't even tell him..."  
  
The magazine fell from Howie's hands and hit against the hard floor with a loud slap that sliced through the sudden silence and echoed throughout the entirety of the room. "What do you mean dying...Kev? What do you mean he's dying?"  
  
Kevin shook harder as the tears slipped from his eyes and ran in long streaks down his reddened cheeks. "He h-had a massive h-heart attack today...His heart is f-failing... His heart is failing and I c-couldn't even tell him."


	3. Chapter 3

"Slow down, Baylee!" Nick called as he moved sluggishly forward, watching as the young child sprinted ahead of him, soft blonde curls flopping in the light breeze that whirled around them. He couldn't understand how the boy could be so full of energy when neither of them had slept much of any the night before. While Baylee awoke every couple of hours begging for his father, Nick had attempted dozing off and on for an hour until he finally gave up and spent the rest of the duration of the night lying on his back in the dark, wondering if he would receive a phone call telling him the inevitable they all feared. Nick thanked God that phone call never rang, but it still didn't ease his nerves as he allowed Baylee out of bed around 6:45 in the morning, knowing it would be pure torture to continue forcing the child to remain in bed once he was fully awake. After fixing a simple breakfast that neither showed an ounce of interest towards, Nick got the both of them showered and cleaned and on a quick route towards the hospital. Now he found himself trying to keep up with the small boy who was overly anxious to see his father as they made their way to the automatic entrance doors.  
  
"C'mon Uncle Nick! I wanna see my daddy!" Baylee screamed back over his shoulder, pressing his body forward as quickly as his tiny legs would carry him. When he realized Nick wasn't moving any faster, he whipped back around and chased back towards his uncle, his light brows set in a deep crease. He reached for Nick's hand and latched on tightly, pulling him forward with urgency."You're too slow, Uncle Nick!"  
  
"So?" Nick challenged, allowing Baylee to pull him along as he gazed up at the towering hospital. He'd always held a major distaste towards hospitals, and avoided them when at all possible. He would have rather been anywhere but where he was at that very moment, given that his best friend wasn't somewhere inside that building possibly dying or already dead. Nick frowned, seeing the sparkle of innocence radiate from Baylee's eyes as the child looked at him, unaware of anything bad that was possibly going on. When Nick thought about it, he was just as much left in the dark about what was going on as Baylee was. Though for Baylee, it was better to leave it that way for the time being.  
  
"It means you are old!" Baylee chided.  
  
"I'm only twenty seven!" Nick argued.  
  
"Well I'm four!" Baylee fired, his nose scrunched upwards as the pair stopped just short of the entrance doors, both hesitating in their own way.  
  
"What does you being four have to do with anything?" Nick asked.  
  
"It means...I'm not old like you!"  
  
"You will be someday."  
  
"I'll still be faster then you!"  
  
Nick sighed, allowing a small crooked smile to form on his lips for the child's sake. "Let's just go inside, alright? We'll find out where your Daddy is hiding at," he suggested, giving a small tug on Baylee's hand and the two of them walked out of the heat and stepped into the air conditioned interior of the building. Nick looked around briefly, noting a few curious stares from innocent bystanders as he walked up to the information desk. A lone old man reading a tattered page of the sports section from the local newspaper glanced up from the paper and smiled softly at Nick and Baylee. "I'm sorry for bothering you, sir, but I was wondering if you could help me?" Nick asked quietly, keeping his tone low in hopes of not drawing any unwanted attention in their direction.  
  
"Well son, that is what I am here for," the man answered, with a broader genuine smile as he lowered the paper and folded his hands atop the counter. "What is it I can help you with?"  
  
Nick opened his mouth to answer, but Baylee pushed into him, standing on the tips of his toes in an effort to see over the surface of the counter top. "My daddy is hiding in here somewhere!" he interrupted, his bottom lip quivering. "I don't know where he's at and I want to find him!"  
  
"My friend was brought in here sometime yesterday afternoon," Nick explained in a near whisper. "We're here to see him, but I haven't the slightest clue what direction to head. I'm not sure what floor he's on or exactly what he was brought in here for."  
  
The man nodded. "And what is your friend's name?"  
  
"Bwian Littwell!" Baylee answered, once more interrupting before Nick could get a single word in. "Do you know where my daddy is hiding, mister?"  
  
"I'm going to check right now," the man answered with a warm smile and slid his chair over to the computer at his right. He tapped the keyboard for several seconds, peering at the screen in concentration, before tapping the glass and sliding back over to Nick and Baylee. "I think I may just know where your daddy is hiding at, kiddo," he said and glanced up at Nick. "The system is showing your friend is currently admitted on the ICU floor. You'll want to take the elevator to your left up to the fifth level. After you step out of the elevator, take an immediate right and you will see a set of double doors. Go through those and you will find the nurses station. They'll be able to help you more there."  
  
"Thank you for your help, Tom," Nick nodded, eyeing the man's name tag wearily. He looked down at Baylee who stared at him expectantly. "C'mon, Bay. Lets go find your dad."  
  
*****  
  
Howie allowed his eyes to wander around the bare waiting room, his body slumping in the uncomfortable hard back chair he sat in. A small tv mounted in the corner wall to his right played a repeating weather report on low volume. More high temperatures were due to come their way in the next several days and that's all he had heard. He'd stopped paying attention long before. Exhaustion was wreaking havoc on every nerve in his body, yet he still wouldn't allow himself the sleep he knew he needed. He wasn't sure he could sleep even if he tried. His mind was running on over drive as he kept going over Kevin's words as if they were the first time he had heard them. He didn't want to believe a single thing his friend had said, but the conviction in Kevin's voice had been too strong and the tears too obvious. Howie knew Kevin would never dream of fabricating such a horrible tale about someone they all cared about so much, especially when it was Kevin's own cousin.  
  
Kevin had voluntarily become a mute since returning to the waiting room the previous night. Visiting hours has since passed, leaving niether Howie nor AJ the chance to see their ailing friend. They were left waiting to suffer through out the night, wondering what all could happen in the hours to pass. Kevin refused to say a further word. Brian's condition seemed to have affected him more then any of them could understand. Then again, how could it not affect any of them. Their friend was dying and it seemed there was not a thing any one of them could do about it.  
  
"I'm going down to the cafeteria for something to eat," AJ spoke, breaking the silence like a hammer slamming down on a sheet of glass. He frowned as Howie visibly jumped in his seat and glanced in his direction. "You want me to bring you anything back, D?"  
  
"No, I'll be fine," Howie answered, watching as AJ launched himself from his seat. He could see past the line of defenses AJ was attempting to put up. His friend wasn't hungry, Howie knew this much because none of them could stomach anything at the moment. AJ was doing what he always did in rough situations, which was running off alone to collect whatever emotions he was losing grasp of. Howie doubted AJ would return with any item of food or drink.  
  
"You want anything, Kev?" AJ called, however Kevin remained as silent and still as he had been since the last time he had spoken a single word. He lay sprawled out on the only padded bench in the room, his hands linked atop his stomach and his eyes closed to portray sleep. They knew he wasn't sleeping, though. AJ sighed and left the room without a further word.  
  
He stepped out into the empty hall, only to find himself hit with a wave of silence that sent shivers down the entire length of his spine. He looked in both directions before finally moving to his left. He didn't care where he ended up at at that moment. Anywhere but sitting aimlessly back in that room seemed better, and more comforting. AJ hated sitting still when he was troubled. Not keeping himself busy only intesified the situation and made the emotions that accompanied feel even heavier. There was no room to breathe and he was feeling rather suffocated. He needed out. Where he went right then, he couldn't have cared less.  
  
"Uncle AJ!"  
  
AJ stopped short a step, hearing the shrill child's voice call out to him, halting him in his path. He slowly turned, just in time to keep himself steady as Brian's son came barreling into him at full force. AJ felt himself taken aback as Baylee latched his arms around his legs tightly, so much so that at any other time, he might have cried out had he not already been physically numb from all of the emotions tumbling through every inch of his body. "Hey kiddo," he finally replied, pulling himself from a silent stupor to keep from traumatizing the child further by not saying a word. "Nick."  
  
Nick finally walked up to him, his eyes narrowed as he watched AJ lower himself to Baylee's level and the two embraced. "I really hate to say it, considering the present situation, but you know what? To put it lightly, I am  ** _slightly_**  ticked off that nobody bothered to call me last night," he answered in an uneven tone as he crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
"We're sorry, Nick, but you have to understand-" AJ began to reply.  
  
"You're  ** _sorry_**?" Nick hissed. "I was worried sick last night! And how can I understand a single thing, AJ? Because you guys never even called!"  
  
AJ forced himself to stand, carefully keeping a tight hold on Baylee in his arms. He stared at Nick, his vision blurring ever so slightly as an uncomfortable rush of tears pooled into the corners of his eyes. He could see the question shining in the blonde's eyes, and the desperation in his demeanor to know what was going on with their brother. "It's his heart, Nicky..." he whispered, hugging Baylee tighter. The child seemed to just cling to him.  
  
"Uncle AJ...I wanna see my daddy," Baylee murmured.  
  
"I know you do, Ace. I promise you will be able to soon."  
  
"What do mean it's his heart, AJ?" Nick demanded, his voice waivering. He hated the way AJ's dark eyes were glossing over, causing a sickening feeling to dive deep into the pit of his stomach and his intestines to twist into painfully tight knots. As much as he felt he already knew, he wasn't so sure he wanted to hear the answer anymore.  
  
"Kevin knows more about it then I do," AJ lied, looking away for a moment. He glanced back at Nick. "He spoke with the doctor and he saw Brian. B's not doing good, Nicky...that's all I know."  
  
"W-well...where's Kevin a-and Howie?" Nick stuttered.  
  
"Waiting-room," AJ answered shortly and silently motioned for Nick to follow him, all the while wondering what lay ahead in the day for them and to where it would lead.  
  
*****  
  
Kevin felt like one of the worst people on earth at that moment. He still couldn't keep the image of Baylee's look of contempt towards him from being burned into his mind as the child came bursting into the waiting room with AJ and Nick in tow, immediately hurrying over to Kevin's side and demanding words. Baylee had pestered him for his attention and begged to see his father until Kevin could ignore him not a minute more. Finally he opened his eyes to see Baylee's troubled expression and snapped. He had told the child to quiet down and not be so bothersome, which had struck the small boy with confusion until finally Baylee broke into a wail of sobs that nobody else in the room seemed to be able to tame. Taken aback by his own stupidity and lack of sympathy towards everyone else who was affected by all that was going on, Kevin stood up and silently excused himself from the room, ignoring the icy glares of disappointment both Howie and AJ shot in his direction.  
  
It wasn't that he was incapable of soothing the child and calming his worst fears, Kevin just didn't believe that he would have enough emotional strength for the both of them. Kevin didn't know where to turn. This had all come about unexpectedly and left him unable to know just how to react. His mind was tearing him in all mental directions. His whole body ached and he felt so emotionally drained, that he wanted to just stopping walking and lay on the ground at that very spot. He wanted to curl into a tight ball, ignore the world, and hope that maybe, just maybe, all the pain would go away. He'd already tried to refuse believing it was happening at all. Failing at convincing himself made him hurt all that much more.  
  
He'd walked aimlessly throughout the halls of the ICU floor for over an hour after abandoning his friends in the waiting room. He wanted to be alone, yet he had no idea exactly what he was doing. Kevin felt like he was going absolutely insane as he made multiple circles around the floor and finally found himself stepping out of the elevator and into the hospital lobby on the main floor. It remained partially deserted, considering the hour was still early. Even so, Kevin kept his sight focused downward towards the floor and hurried out through the automatic revolving doors.  
  
The blazing sun hit his face like an uncountable number of microscopic needles poking at his skin. He could already feel beads of perspiration forming along the hairline of his forehead, but he ignored the intense heat and trudged along the light grey paved sidewalk. It was a wonder that nobody had spotted him in recognition, because Kevin knew word traveled fast when it came to everything that was happening. The fact that things still remained quiet at least allowed his mind to stay troubled single handedly with the problem at bay.  
  
Feeling the breath slowly escaping his lungs and his legs feeling heavier with each new step he took, Kevin collapsed upon a small wooden bench and lowered his head into his hands with a stiffled sob of despair.  _"Your cousin is dying, Mr. Richardson. His heart is failing."_  Dr. Henrich's voice echoed in his ears. It wasn't possible, he tried to reason. Brian was completely healthy. He lived, for the most part, a healthy lifestyle. He had become health conscious when it came to what he chose to eat and his activities on a day to day basis. He kept fit. Brian was healthy and that's what Kevin kept trying to reason in his mind. His heart wasn't supposed to be failing. The doctors were supposed to have fixed his heart years ago when he had to have that surgery. It was meant to be a guarantee. So how could they have been so terribly wrong? How could nobody have known? Kevin let the trembles roll through his body and his foot to tap nervously against the pavement once again.  
  
Deep in thought, he never heard the double set of approaching foot steps until a strong hand gripped his shoulder, and a soothing, familiar voice sliced through the warm morning air. "Kevin?"  
  
Kevin looked up to find his uncle towering over him, his kind eyes downcast and his mouth set in a deep frown. "Uncle Harold," Kevin mustered quietly. He looked to Harold's left and saw Jackie Littrell clutching to her husband's side, tears of concern sparkling in her bright eyes.  
  
"What are you doing out here all alone?" Harold questioned, holding out his hand to help Kevin stand. He pulled his nephew in for a tight embrace.  
  
"I needed the fresh air," Kevin answered, his voice barely projecting.  
  
Jackie pulled Kevin from Harold arms and offered her own warm hug, although seeing the worry and exhaustion in both their eyes made Kevin even more sick to his stomach. "How is my son?" she whispered, her voice faltering. Neither knew the extent to which their son had fallen ill. Howie didn't know when they had placed the call. But mothers always seemed to have an instinct when it came to their child's well being and Jackie seemed to know at that instant that something was terribly wrong.  
  
Kevin felt the breath catch in his throat. "Aunt Jackie..."  
  
"How bad is it? Howie wasn't able to tell us much when he called. Just said my baby had collapsed and was rushed to the hospital," Jackie rambled, grasping her husband's hand as she let go of Kevin.  
  
"He...he's not doing so well..." Kevin forced himself to answer.  
  
"What is it, Kevin?" Harold pressed.  
  
"I-It's his heart."


	4. Chapter 4

Four year old Baylee Littrell stared down at the pair of dark sunglasses he held in his tiny hands. AJ had said they were magic and promised him that if he felt even the least bit scared, all he would have to do is put them on and he would become invisible, then nothing would be able to hurt him or scare him anymore. Baylee didn't believe him though. AJ just didn't want to hear him cry anymore. But the offering had been enough to turn Baylee's tears from a steady stream into small quiet whimpers. He had every reason to be scared. Kevin had yelled at him then disappeared, Nick was suddenly very upset, AJ hardly said a word, and Howie had left long before to find where Kevin had run off to. But even more traumatizing to the child was still not knowing where his father was and the fact that nobody seemed willing to tell him.  
  
Baylee didn't like the room they had stuck him in. The stark white walls were plain and uncomforting. The chair he sat on was hard and it hurt his bottom. It was nothing like his father's favorite plush recliner at home; the one they would sit in together and read stories before he was tucked into bed at night. Baylee sniffled quietly and brought the sunglasses up to his face, hoping maybe, just maybe his Uncle AJ was right.  
  
Off to his left, Nick let loose of an obnoxious snore; Baylee looked over. The older man hadn't moved an inch since falling asleep on the bench nearly thirty minutes before. Pushing the glasses further up his nose, he looked across the room to his right. AJ stood at the large window, looking out, with his back facing the child's direction. Baylee hated being alone and both of the men in the room were ignoring him. He wanted his daddy and somehow he knew neither would be of any help in helping him find him. Slipping quietly from the chair, Baylee backed towards the door, holding his breath and trying to keep his feet from making any sound against the tiled flooring. He hesitated as AJ cleared his throat roughly, but remained still, never turning. When Baylee felt the heels of his shoes come in contact with the heavy wooden door behind him, he spun around, tugged it open, and slipped silently into the hall.  
  
The hall was even more frightening then the room had been. The space was smaller and he couldn't see a single thing at either end. Tentatively he started to inch down the hall to his right. Numerous doors lined the wall on either side of him, but they all remained closed. Silence was a dense fog that blanketed the hallway and his imagination began to run wild. He could picture monsters of all sorts ready to jump out at him from behind every door and he almost yelped, quickly scurrying along. "Wan' my daddy..." Baylee murmured, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. He didn't like how there seemed to be no other adults around and that was never a good sign.  
  
At the end of the hall, he found that it split in two opposite directions. He listened carefully, hearing a faint echo of several distinctive voices coming from a spot down the hall to his left. Baylee took off quickly, the soles of his shoes slapping loudly against the shiny tiled flooring. It was only seconds later that he burst into a circular opening and collided directly with a very tall man he didn't recognize.  
  
"Whoa there little guy," the man smiled soothingly and lowered himself to Baylee's level. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"  
  
"I-I dunno..." Baylee stuttered, clearly shaken from the sudden contact.  
  
"Well, where are your mommy and daddy?" the man asked.  
  
"I dunno...my daddy is here somewheres, but I can't find him," Baylee whimpered, and a few stray tears slipped from beneath the rim of the sunglasses and slid down his reddened cherubic cheeks.  
  
"Now, now...there's no reason to cry," the man answered. His eyes were a deep comforting blue, just like Baylee's father's eyes, reminding Baylee of the same look his father would give him whenever he was hurt or upset. "We'll get you taken care of. Can you tell me your name first?"  
  
"B-but Daddy told me to n-never talk to strangers..."  
  
"And your daddy sounds like a very smart man. But if you knew what my name was, I wouldn't be as much of a stranger anymore, now would I?"  
  
"Are you a doctor?"  
  
"I sure am. My name is Dr. Henrich-"  
  
"Baylee!"  
  
The little boy's ears perked up at the sudden familiar voice that pierced the air. He whipped around and took off running towards three figures that had appeared and were now moving quickly down the hallway. "Nana! Papa!" Baylee cried out and barreled into the three people, throwing his arms around the only woman's legs and begging to be picked up.  
  
The woman quickly obliged and pulled the child up into her arms, hugging him tightly. "Oh sweetheart...what are you doing out here all alone?" she questioned softly, smoothing the soft blonde curls atop his head. She removed the sunglasses from his face to look deep into his charismatic eyes.  
  
"I was trying to find Daddy!" Baylee sniffled. "But I can't find him, Nana! ...And Uncle Kevin yelled at me!"  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Littrell I presume?" Dr. Henrich asked as he moved tentatively towards them.  
  
Harold stepped forward, offering his hand for a friendly shake. "I'm Harold Littrell and this is my wife Jackie."  
  
"Good," Dr. Henrich responded with a tight nod. He gave a short glance in Kevin's direction before returning his attention back to the Littrells. "Mr. Richardson informed me yesterday that the two of you would be arriving sometime this morning. I'm Dr. Henrich, your son's primary physician."  
  
"How is our son doing?" Harold asked, wrapping his arm tightly around Jackie's waist.  
  
"Well, that is what I wish to speak with you about in private if I could borrow the two of you for a few moments."  
  
"Certainly," Harold agreed and turned to his wife and grandchild. He pressed a light kiss against Baylee's warm forehead and looked to Kevin. "Would you mind taking Baylee to the waiting room? I don't believe it would be in his best interest to-"  
  
"No, Nana! I wanna stay with you and Papa!" Baylee cried out suddenly the moment Kevin's hands tried to pry his small frame from his grandmother's grasp. He screamed out in utter agony, fearful of being torn away and seperated once more from someone who made him feel safe and loved. He was scared of being abandoned all over again. "No! Stay with Nana and Papa! Wanna find Daddy!"  
  
"Soon, Bubba. Soon," Harold whispered, aiding his nephew in removing the child from Jackie's arms, who was left standing there with unshed tears in her soulful eyes.  
  
"Nana! Papa! No!"  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Littrell...? If you'll follow me this way?" Dr. Henrich interrupted, suggesting the direction with a motion of his head. Harold gripped his wife's hand and they stepped after Dr. Henrich, into his wake, away from the echoing screams of their distraught grandchild.  
  
*****  
  
Jackie Littrell held a hand to her chest and a hand to her abdomen as she followed a few short steps behind Dr. Henrich. Her eyes remained trained soley on the floor before her, her vision misty from the tears that wouldn't stop falling. Her whole body felt numb, although distinctively she could feel her soul aching worse then she could have ever imagined. The hall they were traveling on the ICU floor seemed never ending. They had already passed countless doors, all of which she wondered if her ailing son was hidden behind one of them. But they hadn't stopped yet, causing Jackie's heart to pound against her ribcage. Her head swam with thoughts and unimaginable horrors. She was having a hard time comprehending the words Dr. Henrich had spoken to her and her husband minutes ago in the small conference room. It seemed she wasn't the only one in that room who was having a hard time understanding everything the doctor had explained to them. Harold had grown eerily silent, his facial features withdrawn and his eyes dark, vacant of the spark that always held her attention and attracted her love.  
  
Her youngest son, her baby was dying. She reviewed the information in her head with each numb step she took, fumbling inch by inch. His heart was failing and would continue to fail until it stopped working all together, unless by some miracle they could find a donor. But upon those very words, Dr. Henrich's face had fallen solomn and grim. He didn't even have to say it; they all knew what the chances of such a thing happening were. It was a miracle they needed and Jackie began to pray, but the light in her heart seemed to grow dim as each second passed and brought her closer to seeing her son.  
  
Dr. Henrich stopped abruptly and turned to face the torn woman. He took a deep breath and rested a gentle hand on her upper left arm, knowing the torment going through her mind. He had seen it countless times over his medical career and had experienced it personally on several occasions in his lifetime. As much as he tried to avoid becoming attached to his patients and their families, he knew well enough when it was appropriate to sympathize. "This is your son's room," he spoke softly,"I must apologize though, Mrs. Littrell. Brian is unaware of anything that I have told you and your husband. The anesthesia used during the surgery was strong and I suspect he is still feeling the effects of that, on top of recovering from the massive heart attack he experienced yesterday. I have been unsuccessful so far in catching him in a conscious state. He may or may not be conscious when you go in to see him, which I recommend not to be taken discouragingly. I just wanted to make sure you were well aware of this. Right now I am going to make several rounds I have yet to get to, then I will stop back around and we'll see about me sitting down with you, your husband, and your son to discuss our options."  
  
"I understand," Jackie whispered.  
  
"Just try to remain strong, Mrs. Littrell." And with that, Dr. Henrich offered a sympathetic smile and hurried away, flipping open a seperate patient's chart that he had been holding amidst a pile in his hands the entire time.  
  
Jackie drew in a deep breath and reached out to place an unsteady grip on the door handle. She closed her eyes, exhaling, and twisted the handle down. Hearing it click, she pressed forward and stepped into the room. The door squealed shut quietly behind her as Jackie paused briefly to stare at the sight ahead of her. It was a sight unlike any she had ever been faced with, and one she had hoped to never have to see, at least when it came to one of her sons. "Oh Brian..." she murmured, moving forward and taking a seat in the chair that had already been placed beside his bed.  
  
His face was so ghastly pale that it sickened her very core. The trauma his body had experienced was all too evident in his fragile appearance.  
Jackie watched her son's chest rise and fall with each labored breath he took and the way he seemed to be engulfed within the bed he lay in. It was like seeing her son in the same state he had been in with the close brush with death he had had as a child so many years before. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes as she reached out to grasp her son's hand, shivering at the coldness of his skin. Jackie gave it a tight squeeze. He was so cold to the touch and it worried her. It seemed the ashen tone of his skin seemed to get worse by the minute and all she could think of was the fact that he looked as if he were already no longer living. The only thing that convinced her otherwise was seeing his chest continue to rise and fall and the heart monitor beeping steadily, although there was a slight fluctuation with every few beats.  
  
Jackie sighed and moved her other hand up to rest against her son's cheek. It felt nearly as cold as his hand did and was rather clammy to the touch. However the moment hand and cheek came in contact, a soft moan escaped his lips. It was so quiet and nearly inaudiable, that Jackie almost didn't hear it. "M-Mom?" Brian whispered, his eyes fluttering lightly under their lids. He slowly cocked his head to the side and Jackie found herself staring into the set of baby blues she had fallen in love with from the first time she had held him in her arms. Although now, his orbs were only a shadow of their former light, clouded over and confused.  
  
"Hey sweetheart," Jackie replied with a warm smile.  
  
Brian offered a lopsided smile in return and leaned his cheek further into his mother's touch. "Hi..." he mustered, closing his eyes for a brief moment before looking back at his mother again. "What...what are you doing here?" he asked softly.  
  
"Howie called your father and I yesterday and said you had collapsed and were in the hospital," Jackie explained to her son as she smoothed the sweaty hair away from his forehead.  
  
"It's just the flu and exhaustion..." Brian mumbled. "I think Howie may have exaggerated a little. You didn't have to fly all the way out here to see me. I'm a big boy..."  
  
Jackie smiled, noting the attempt at humor in her son's voice. It sounded so weak though and her smile didn't last long. Instead it was quickly replaced with a frown of concern. "You could have been brought in 'cause you scraped your knee and needed stitches and I probably would have still flown out to see you. It's called a mother's concern."  
  
"Is Dad here too?"  
  
"He is... He's in the waiting room with your son right now. Baylee was terribly upset when we arrived. We actually found him at the nurses' station by himself. He was talking to your doctor and trying to find out where you were..."  
  
"Knew Kev shouldn't have trusted Nick to watch him."  
  
"Now don't be so quick to pass judgement," Jackie chided her son lightly, even though it was far less then heartfelt. "Baylee is very imaginative and creative. He reminds me all too well of a certain little boy I once raised."  
  
Brian fell silent, pondering his mother's statement. "Touche," he replied with a smirk. "I want to see Baylee."  
  
"And he wants to see you," Jackie agreed softly. "Your father will bring him in to see you a little later."  
  
"Is he ok?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Bay..."  
  
Jackie smiled. Even though her son was extremely weak and couldn't hide that fact even if he tried, he was still more concerned about everyone else but himself, especially when it came to the well being of his own child. "Naturally he's upset...but you know how he loves his papa."  
  
"Of course...when papa is around...it's like 'Daddy who?'" Brian smirked and rested his eyes closed once more. He sighed and trembled visibly, tugging weakly at the blankets to find more warmth.  
  
Jackie frowned. "What's wrong sweetheart?"  
  
"Cold...and hurt..."  
  
"Well, just try to rest right now and I will go find you more blankets. Then when your doctor comes in, you can get something to take care of the pain," Jackie told him quietly, watching his breathing even out the slightest. She wasn't even sure if he had heard a single word she had just said; he was already sleeping again. But she leaned up and placed a gentle kiss upon his forehead. "Just be here when I get back..." she whispered, then turned to leave the room.  
  
*****  
  
"Papa?" Baylee murmured quietly, burrowing himself further into his grandfather's arms. He sighed with content when Harold tightened his embrace in return. Glancing upward to meet his grandfather's stare, Baylee's lips curled into a tiny pout. His brows furled in a sad concentration. "Why is Daddy hiding from me? 'Cause he's mad?"  
  
Harold's heart sank low in his chest as the child's words echoed in his ears. He hugged Baylee tighter, only imagining how difficult it was for the child to try to understand what was happening to his father. "No Bubba, your daddy could never be mad at you. And he's not hiding," Harold explained softly, smoothing the child's curls. "He's just napping. His doctor told him to-"  
  
"'Cause he fo'got to take his nap yeserday?" Baylee interrupted.  
  
Harold chuckled. "Maybe because he forgot to take his nap yesterday. But Bubba, your daddy isn't feeling too well right now."  
  
Baylee's mouth formed a small 'o'. "He's got sickies in his tummy?"  
  
"Lots of sickies. Not in his tummy though. Your daddy has sickies in his heart."  
  
"Oh..." Baylee frowned, trying to ponder what his grandfather was saying. "He gots a heart ache?"  
  
"He sure does."  
  
"Doctor gonna fix daddy's heart ache?"  
  
"The doctor is going to try to."  
  
"Good," Baylee murmured and rested his head against Harold's shoulder.  
  
Harold let loose an uneven breath and allowed his eyes to wander around the waiting room. It was all too quiet and the atmosphere was far too dense. Nobody had found much of a reason to spark conversation. He himself didn't see the need to talk because the same thought was going through each of their minds and speaking it aloud made it feel that much more real and threatening. Although at the same time Harold assumed it would be too far off to guess they were all in their own denial. He was having a hard enough time comprehending what Dr. Henrich has said. How could it possibly be that his son was to die because of a problem they had all thought had been fixed so many years before? Why now of all times was it able to come back to haunt them all? "Has anyone been to get ahold of Leighanne?" he blurted suddenly and looked to the other men in the room.  
  
"Howie attempted to yesterday," Kevin answered before the other had a chance to say a single word. "He got no answer."  
  
"Bri said she's been hard to get ahold of the past few days because they're wrapping up the filming," Howie added with a tired shrug. He had already tried calling Brian's wife again that morning, but came out with the same results.  
  
"She needs to be informed of what's going on," Harold stated, more so to himself then anyone else. "Brian is going to want her to be here-"  
  
Before Harold could get a further word in, he was abruptly interrupted as the door to the room was slowly opened and the form of Jackie Littrell stepped through the threshold, her hands rung together and her disturbed eyes trained on the floor as she slowly walked. She looked up the moment the door shut behind her and the tears she had been crying were instantly evident. "Jackie?" Harold called out, sitting straight up in his seat and preparing to stand if the need arose. When he received not a single word in return, he gently placed his sleeping grandson into Kevin's arms and sprang to his feet. He hurried to his wife's side and pulled her into his arms. "What is it?" he asked.  
  
"Oh Herald..." Jackie trembled, burrying her face into the crook of her husband's neck. "He looks so bad..."  
  
Harold couldn't find the words to say as his wife tearfully trembled within his embrace. Instead, he tightened his hold, closed his eyes and began to pray.


	5. Chapter 5

Baylee clung tightly to his grandmother as Harold led the three of them down the ICU hall towards his father's hospital room. "Daddy still taking a nap?" he asked innocently as he craned his neck to look into his grandmother's eyes. The soft blonde curls bounced on his head with every step she took. He had awoken from his nap crying out desperately for his father with a sense of urgency and not a single thing or anyone could calm the distraught child. At least not anyone who had been present in the waiting room. He had thrown a fit in all sense of the word, refusing any and all comfort his grandparents had to offer until finally both agreed it was unjust to keep the child from his father any longer.  
  
"I'm not sure, sweetheart," Jackie answered quietly, purposely avoiding her grandson's stare. She hoped to God, if not just for Baylee's sake, but for the rest of them that her son would be awake.  
  
"He probably will be awake and waiting because he knows that you are coming to see him," Harold suggested, reaching out to ruffle the child's hair. Baylee swatted his hand away with a small giggle. "Nana said your daddy was asking about you earlier."  
  
Baylee's eyes immediately lit up. "What'd he say? Huh Nana?"  
  
"He misses you and wanted to make sure that you were ok," Jackie answered.  
  
"I's ok 'cause I's a big boy!"  
  
"That's funny that you say that, because your daddy said the same thing about himself," Jackie whispered with a smile and hugged her grandson tighter, unable to keep from noting all of the similarities both Baylee and Brian shared. Their looks, their personalities, their smiles...it tugged a painful chord in her heart that she tried hard to push away.  
  
"Nana sad?" Baylee questioned softly as he reached up to place both hands against his grandmother's cheeks.  
  
Jackie forced a smile for the child's sake. "Don't you worry about a thing sweetheart," she whispered.  
  
They continued to walk in silence through the deserted hallway. Harold had always hated the way the halls of a hospital were drearily plain, but he especially hated the way this particular hall made him feel as if he were walking to his own death sentence. He hadn't seen his youngest son yet and his wife had been so upset upon returning from her visit, that it made his mind run wild with thoughts unimaginable. He didn't know what he was to expect when he entered that room, and he was afraid for once in his life that he wouldn't know how to react. The walk felt like it was taking forever and the floor only seemed to keep getting longer and longer.  
  
"Down, Nana!" Baylee suddenly ordered and Harold realized they had stopped several paces behind him. He turned back around to watch as Baylee slid from Jackie's arms and eargerly reached for the door handle, only to be quickly instructed to mind his manners and be very quiet when he went inside. The child nodded and gently pushed the door open.  
  
"Harold?" Jackie spoke to grasp his attention. Harold nodded at his wife and they entered the room together.  
  
Baylee was already half towards the bed, tentatively approaching his father's unmoving form. He once again began to tug at the hem of his t-shirt as he took small steps, his bottom lip curling downward. "D-Daddy?" he called out, stopping at the bedside, but his only answer was silence. He pouted and eyed the machines wearily that were surrounding his father's bed. He didn't like the noises they produced and he was slightly terrified of the two prongs sticking into his father's nose, and the long thin tube that ran from it. Baylee climbed onto the chair that Jackie noticed hadn't moved since her visit and gently nudged his father's arm. "Daddy...you wake up now?"  
  
"Bubba, be careful," Harold reprimanded quietly, but found himself shrinking back in shock from his son's ghastly appearance. If there was ever a time he found his stomach twisting into tight knots, this was certainly one of them. He moved forward with his wife at his side until they stood directly behind Baylee, watching and hoping for some sort of response from Brian, no matter how small or insignificant.  
  
"But you said Daddy would be awake..." Baylee pouted, turning half way around to stare at his grandparents with tear filled eyes. He didn't understand why his father hadn't woken immediately when he called out to him, because he always woke up no matter what. "An' he not wake up now-" However, before Baylee could speak another word, a slight stirring caught his attention and he whipped back around just in time to catch his father's eyelids fluttering until they finally opened to reveal an expression of sleepy haze. Baylee grinned wide, "Daddy!"  
  
Brian blinked for a moment before he slowly offered a crooked smile, instantly recognizing his son's face. "Hey..." he whispered and reached for his son's small hand, giving it a light squeeze. He watched his son's grin grow wider and he looked behind him to where his parents both stood, watching him expectantly in concern. "Mom...Dad..."  
  
Harold stepped to his grandson's side, his eyes shadowed in an emotional darkness that Brian was unable to read. "How are you feeling, son?" he asked, his tone caked in all seriousness.  
  
"Tired and sore..." Brian answered quietly. "This flu is really knocking me down."  
  
Harold had to fight to keep from frowning further. Jackie had said that the doctor had told her Brian was unaware of what was happening to him, but to hear his son say with such conviction that he believed it was something other then what was really going on tugged at his heart. Brian appeared so deteriorated it was unbelievable and Harold found himself beyond speechless.  
  
"'Cause you gots sickies?" Baylee asked knowingly.  
  
"Yeah," Brian nodded at his son lightly. "Lots of sickies buddy."  
  
"You get sickies from me?"  
  
"Well, maybe from you, but ten times worse. It's not your fault though. I just didn't take care of myself."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I was trying to take care of you and scare your sickies away."  
  
"Bad Daddy," Baylee scolded innocently. "Doctor make you feel better?"  
  
"I think so," Brian lied and immediately glanced upwards towards his parents. In all honesty, he was feeling worse in that moment then he ever had before in his entire life. He didn't understand it. Then there was something completely out of character in his parents' demeanors. They were acting too uncomfortably quiet for his liking. His father had hardly spoken a word and his mother had appeared jittery, as if she were unwilling to speak of something when she had visited earlier. "What's going on with you guys? You both are being really quiet."  
  
"We're just really worried about you, son," Harold answered in a scratchy tone. "You gave us quite a scare."  
  
Brian opened his mouth to respond, ready to contradict his father's statement, but a sharp knock on the door interrupted him before he could even get a word out. A short moment later, the door creaked open and a tall grey haired man stepped through the doorway, a manila folder tucked securely under his arm, followed by a young brunette nurse that hesitantly walked in after him.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Littrell... I see that I have finally caught you awake," the man greeted with a friendly smile as he moved further into the room. He turned to Brian's parents and offered them both his hand before returning his attention back to his patient. "My name is Dr. Henrich and I have to say that you've been quite the difficult patient to catch awake, but that is very understandable considering the recent trauma your body has suffered and the effects of the anesthesia still wearing off."  
  
"Anesthesia?" Brian tried to clarify.  
  
But Dr. Henrich ignored his question and turned to the small child, reaching his hand out for a low five slap, which to Brian's surprise, Baylee almost immediately obliged. "I see you finally found your daddy," Dr. Henrich smiled and shook the boy's hand.  
  
"Yeah! Nana and Papa help me find him!" Baylee answered with a proud nod.  
  
"That's good, very good indeed," Dr. Henrich replied with a smile and lowered himself to Baylee's level. "I know you just found your daddy and I'm sure you really want to stay with him, but I was wondering if just for a few minutes, I could speak with your daddy by himself? It'll just be for a few minutes."  
  
"No...wanna stay with Daddy," Baylee answered with a tight shake of his head.  
  
"I promise it will only be for a few minutes then you can come right back in to see him."  
  
"But I wanna stay with Daddy," Baylee whimpered.  
  
"I tell you what," Dr. Henrich tried, lowering his voice as he looked back towards the nurse who stood closer to the doorway. "My friend over there knows where you can find the most delicious candies and it's actually not far from your daddy's room. How would you like to go with her to get some?"  
  
"Mommy doesn't let me eats candy...but Uncle Nick let me eat McDonald's last night," Baylee replied slowly, his bright eyes considering the idea.  
  
"Well, if you don't tell your mommy about the candy then I won't tell your mommy. How's that?"  
  
Baylee looked back at his father. "Daddy?"  
  
Brian's brows furled in confusion as an aching sensation took over his entire body. He ignored it and pushed the feeling aside. He wasn't comfortable with the fact that this man who had introduced himself as his doctor was now trying to usher his son from the room without so much as an explanation, but his parents had already given their nod of approval and somehow he wasn't so sure his son really needed to be hearing what the doctor had to say. As it was, Baylee was already full of questions and he was bound to release a storm of them given he was allowed to remain in the room. "Go ahead, buddy," he finally answered and gave his son's hair a weak ruffle, then watched as Baylee scooted off the chair and scrambled over to the awaiting nurse. He grabbed her hand and the two of them were out the door.  
  
"I should apologize for shooing your son out of the room so quickly, Mr. Littrell, but I feel it would be more appropriate to speak with you and your parents in private," Dr. Henrich started, pulling up an extra chair to the side of the bed and motioning for Harold and Jackie to take a seat. Brian continued to stare in confusion as his parents sat and Dr. Henrich remained standing.  
  
"I don't understand..." Brian trailed.  
  
"Mr. Littrell, it's important that we speak about why you are in the hospital," Dr. Henrich answered.  
  
Brian glanced around shortly. "Why I'm in the hospital?" he repeated, cringing at each word. "I really don't understand-"  
  
"What do you remember about yesterday?" Dr. Henrich interrupted seriously.  
  
Brian's eyes narrowed in concentration as he focused on taking long deep breaths. The action sent waves of pain throughout his chest and seemed to cause his heart to pound harder. "Honestly...spending the morning with Baylee then going to the recording studio. I hadn't been feeling well all day...hadn't been feeling well all week. Then Howie and AJ were forcing me to go home and rest while they watched Baylee..."  
  
"And after that?" Dr. Henrich proded.  
  
"I was walking towards the front door and I think I remember seeing Kevin come in, but...what is this having to do with anything?"  
  
"Mr. Littrell...you weren't brought to the hospital yesterday because of the flu," Dr. Henrich answered. "You suffered from a severe myocardial infarction yesterday."  
  
Brian brinked in confusion. "In english?"  
  
"A heart attack."  
  
"My...my heart?"  
  
"You collapsed yesterday. Your heart gave out two times en route to the hospital. The paramedics were working to restart it upon your arrival here," Dr. Henrich explained. "We have run several tests to determine the cause for your attack, however the answer is far from clear and there are still more tests I would like to perform. I do suspect that one of the underlying causes that intesified the damage and caused the occurence could possibly be viral, which would explain the flu-like symptoms you'd been experiencing-"  
  
"What damage?" Brian interrupted.  
  
"When we rushed you into surgery yesterday-"  
  
"Surgery?"  
  
"Your heart was barely beating when we got you out of the ambulance and stopped again when we were wheeling you in. We had to rush you into surgery and manually restart-"  
  
Brian could feel the tremors pulse through his body, but he made no effort to stop them. All he could focus on was the excruciating pain intensifying in his chest and the stabbing reality of it all. Some how he knew what the doctor was going to say and it released a fear in him unline any other he had ever experienced. He never even noticed his mother rising from her chair and taking a seat beside him on the bed. "No..." Brian whispered, squeezing his eyes shut in disbelief.  
  
"The holes in your heart you had repaired with surgery years ago have reopened and the damage is more extensive then we could have imagined. It appears the sack of fluid that had begun to accumulate around your heart, which could have very well caused your heart attack, was due to a viral infection, which again accounts for your flu like symptoms. But the bigger problem here is the new damage your heart has sustained due to the reopening of the holes. We were able to temporarily close the openings to keep your heart functioning, however, your heart has been weakened due to the new stress. Mr. Littrell, I'm not sure if you understand exactly what I am telling you, with the problem we are faced with here, but-"  
  
"Another extensive surgery to correct the defect," Brian struggled to whisper, his breathing strained.  
  
"I'm afraid it's more complicated then that. We can continue to perform surgeries to correct the openings because they will continue to reopen, but with each surgery, your heart will be weakened further and you will eventually be unable to withstand the strss being put on your heart. Continuous surgeries would be more detremental to your health and would only speed the process."  
  
"I'm going to die?" Brian croaked.  
  
Dr. Henrich paused, exhaling softly. "Unless we are able to find a viable solution..." he trailed, knowing full well that there was no need to finish the statement. There was no hidden meaning in his words.  
  
"No...God no..." Brian wheezed.  
  
"Your heart is failing, Mr. Littrell, but there a options and no need to give up just yet. We are going to do everything we can-"  
  
"I don't want to hear it!"  
  
"Oh Brian..." Jackie mustered, tears springing to her eyes.  
  
"Just stop, please!" Brian begged, gasping for air, and he felt himself succomb to the shock of everything that had been revealed.  
  
*****  
  
The day had already slipped deep into the late hours of the night and Jackie found herself unable to relax even the slightest. She had sat watching the clock as it slipped past midnight and had since lost all track of time. The dark was consuming, leaving Jackie in a lonely despair. Harold had ushered the boys to their respective homes hours before and had finally retired himself to take Baylee home and put the child to bed. She longed to be home with her family, yet refused to leave her youngest son's side. So she sat in the dark, staring at his moon cast body and watching every breath he took.  
  
Jackie shivered even as she pulled a donated blanket tighter around her frame. The temperature in the room had been kept at a decent warmth, but she was still unable to get rid of the chill. The day's events continued to replay in her mind. There was no room for sleep, despite her exhaustion. Brian's desperate cries of helplessness echoed faintly in the nearly silent room and it made her sick to her stomach. She wanted to reach out, pull him into her arms and promise everything was going to be ok, but she couldn't. There was not a thing she could do. Dr. Henrich had said to remain strong, but that was easier said then done.  
  
Sighing, she sunk further into the hospital's version of a recliner, something far less comfortable. Outside the weather had changed drastically and now large angry torrents of rain slammed at the window. Jackie stared in disgust, when the change seemed all too fitting for the mood. A clear beautiful night would have felt like mockery when her whole world seemed to be crumbling all around her, but the storm that was raging outside was tearing her soul to pieces.  
  
And then the silence was abruptly disrupted with a stirring to her right. Jackie snapped her head in that direction and caught her son begin to move in his bed. The machines on both sides of his bed recorded the new fluctuations in his vitals. His eyelids fluttered wildly. A soft and nearly inaudible moan escaped his pursed lips as he gripped tightly at the blankets. Jackie sat up straight, eying her son carefully. He almost seemed to be struggling in his dream world and she wondered what type of demons he was trying to fight off.  
  
"No..." Brian groaned, his head flopping almost lifelessly to one side. His eyelids fluttered harder and his brows creased. "No...please no!"  
  
Jackie was out of her seat within a second and at her son's side. She sat on the edge of his bed carefully, keeping clear of the collection of wires and tubes. She reached out and lightly rested her hand against his cheek. "Brian..." she called out, pondering how possible it was to coax him out of the nightmare he was trapped in.  
  
"Hurts..." Brian whimpered.  
  
"Relax sweetheart," Jackie soothed as she caressed her son's cheek softly.  
  
"Hurts...no..."  
  
"Just relax...open your eyes for Mama..."  
  
Brian slowly began to lean his head into his mother's hand, continuing to struggle. "Mama..." he moaned weakly, his lips parting to release a faltered breath. He struggled to force his eyes open a moment later and stared up at Jackie through hazy vision. "Mom..."  
  
"There there...everything's alright," Jackie attempted to smile, but she found it rather difficult. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her son's forehead.  
  
"You're still here," Brian whispered.  
  
"I never planned on leaving your side," Jackie answered.  
  
"The others?"  
  
"Your father made them go home earlier this evening to rest. I stayed behind while your father took Baylee home for bed."  
  
Brian nodded and shifted in the bed slowly. It was still painful to move, with each little movement sending shocking spasms throughout his chest and other parts of his body. He was terrified to move when at the same time lying still was driving him absolutely stir crazy. He had never been one to just sit immobile. His life was about activity and now he felt like he was stuck in some prison waiting for the executioner to come knocking. "It hurts so much," he sniffled suddenly and reached up to grasp his mother's hand.  
  
"What does, sweetheart?"  
  
"My chest," Brian winced.  
  
"It's to be expected. You went through a lot yesterday."  
  
"But it hurts so bad."  
  
Jackie frowned at her son's repetitive complaints. She couldn't imagine the turmoil he must have been going through, both physically and mentally. it chilled her to see the way he kept looking up at her, begging silently for help she wasn't capable of giving. "I know, but it will feel better soon. I promise." She scooted closer to her son. He no longer appeared his age of thirty two, but instead resembled the frail sickly child in the hospital she remembered from so many years before.  
  
"I'm scared, Mom."  
  
"It's alright to be scared, but you have to try to remain strong and keep your faith in God."  
  
"But I don't know what's going to happen-"  
  
"Nobody ever knows what may happen in life and that's what makes the unknown so frightening, but having faith makes it easier to deal with."  
  
"I don't want to die, Mom," Brian choked with a gasp for air.  
  
"Oh sweetheart," Jackie whispered and carefully draped her arm across her son's chest for as much of an embrace as she could manage with out causing him further discomfort and pain. She felt him shaking beneath her and the tears sprang to her eyes, making her realize that much more that there was absolutely nothing she could do.


	6. Chapter 6

He wasn't sure what tore him from a numb slumber, but the one thing his mind resgistered when his senses kicked into gear was a tingling sensation over the entirety of his body. It took moments for him to gather the strength to pry his eyes open, but when he did, Brian immediately felt the pain once again that was draining his body into a weak exhaustion. He glanced around the room slowly. His mother was gone and for an instant he felt a childish fear of abandonment, but swallowed the insecurities soon after. The room was cast in a dull grey glow that spilled from the open-draped window, the after math from the rain storm the night before.  
  
"Good morning, Mr. Littrell," a quiet voice called out from the doorway. Brian craned his neck back towards the door to see the same nurse step into the room who had accompanied Dr. Henrich from the day before. She offered a genuine friendly smile and moved over towards the bed. "How are we feeling this morning?"  
  
Brian watched her for a moment as she stepped sideways from the bed and busied herself in checking the assortment of IV bags feeding fluids and medications into his body. "My mother was just here...do you happen to know where she went?" he questioned, his tone scratchy and hardly projecting. Then he realized just how childish he had sounded.  
  
But the nurse smiled none the less as she turned back to him. "She went down to the cafeteria about thirty minutes ago for some coffee and breakfast. It was doctor's orders and you were still sleeping. She should be back shortly though."  
  
"Oh." The nurse worked in silence severl long minutes and Brian's eyes never left her every move. It never phased him that she hadn't spoken her name. He couldn't have cared less. His mind was finding enough difficulty processing all other information as it was, let alone being able to make new aquaintances. He tried to blink the remainder of sleep from his eyes and continued to watch the nurse work. When she was finally finished and had shifted the IV tubing down the side of the bed, she placed a few markings on a sheet next to her and fixed the blankets covering Brian's body.  
  
"Dr. Henrich should be in soon to see you. Until then, try to rest more," she mentioned.  
  
"Well I don't think I'll be getting up to run a marathon anytime soon," Brian replied with a short roll of his eyes. "I'm sorry...that was a little rude..."  
  
"Don't apologize, Mr. Littrell," the nurse answered with a smirk. "My husband has never been a morning person either." With that, she winked and excused herself from the room.  
  
Brian sunk back into the mattress, allowing his head to rest comfortably against the double pillows. He sighed, wincing against each tremor of pain that just wouldn't seem to vacate his body. He listened to the silence, forcing his ears to catch each beat of his heart. He could hear it echoing and tried to imagine everything the doctor had told him the previous day. It sent a sickening ball of dread into the very pit of his stomach and he bit at his bottom lip to keep his nerves in check. It wasn't long after that his solitary was once again interrupted. Much to Brian's distaste, he watched Dr. Henrich allow himself into the room and he found himself wondering why he held such distaste for the man. Afterall there was no calling for it when the doctor had done absolutely nothing wrong, but all Brian could keep recalling was the sentence of death the doctor had predicted and he just stubbornly didn't want to believe it. The act of denial was nothing more then a slow and painful torture.  
  
"Up and awake already?" Dr. Henrich greeted with an eye of concern. He carried a clear fluid filled IV bag in one hand and a folder of some sort in the other. He walked over to the IV machine and withdrew an empty bag, replacing it with the one he brought in. When he was finished, he placed the folder on the bed at Brian's feet and pulled the stethescope from around his neck and proceeded to place the cold end beneath Brian's gown against his bare chest. The contact alone sent shivers down Brian's spine as he kept his eyes trained on the doctor. "Your heart is sounding decent for what we are working with right now, so that is good. Especially after the surgery," Dr. Henrich mentioned a moment later and stood up straight. He grabbed the folder from the foot of the bed and walked to the opposite side, lowering himself into one of the two chairs that had been placed.  
  
Brian wanted to tell him otherwise, but quickly bit his tongue to refrain himself from speaking anything he might eventually regret. Instead he blinked stupidity, feigning a continuing exhaustion. He wasn't exactly in the mood to be holding a conversation at that very moment, but it was all too apparent that the doctor wasn't fixing to leave the room anytime soon. "When can I go home?" he bluntly questioned and immediately detested the frown that passed over the doctor's face.  
  
"That is what I came in here this morning to speak to you about," Dr. Henrich answered, draping the stethescope over his neck again. "I spoke with your parents yesterday when they first arrived about what we are being faced with here and about the options that are open to us. I want to discuss those options with you right now and try to devise a plan of action so we can tackle this obstacle head on."  
  
Brian's eyes narrowed. "When can I go home?" he repeated.  
  
"Until I feel you are completely stabilized, I would not recommend releasing you from the hospital," Dr. Henrich explained. "Your blood pressure has yet to level out and I'm still a bit hesitant towards the stability of your heart so soon after the surgery. I can't authorize a release until those are safely in check. However, I have you scheduled to be transfered to a regular room later this afternoon. But I don't recommend a release any time soon with the severity of the level of deterioration of your heart, Mr. Littrell."  
  
"Staying here for an extended period of time is unacceptable," Brian replied. "I have a family to take care of and a job to do. I can't spend my time being stuck in some hospital because you are theorizing that my heart is going to fail and I'm going to die."  
  
"It is not a theory, Mr. Littrell," Dr. Henrich pressed tightly, clutching the folder in his hands. "I know learning of this must come as a shock, but it's imperative that you realize what we are dealing with here and that it's not something that a short stay in the hospital can mend. As I told you yesterday, further surgeries are not gonna be the answer. It would only cause further stress and damage to your heart and I'm afraid your heart would not be able to handle it. The ultimate solution would be performing a transplant, but not only is finding a viable heart match a struggle, donor hearts are not easy to come by, unlike other organs to be donated."  
  
"So you're telling me I need a transplant but won't be able to get one because hearts don't grow on trees?" Brian replied in a tone dripping with sarcasm. He could feel the anger radiating from the outside of his body, but on the inside he could feel himself crumbling in terror. He realized it wasn't the doctor he was holding so much hate for, but rather the fate that was being shoved in his face and the fact that he couldn't do a single about it but lie there and wait. To die?  
  
"Rest assured that we have already placed you on the national donor recipient list and have a head start on that. In the mean time, however, we need to carefully map out a plan of medical treatment to keep you functioning for if and when we receive a donor heart to perform the transplant," Dr. Henrich explained.  
  
"If..." Brian scoffed quietly and glanced towards the window. The ball in his stomach tightened further.  
  
"I'm going to be straight forward with this and not lie, Mr. Littrell... the chances of you receiving a new heart any time soon are very slim. But it is no reason to be losing hope. We have two options in the meantime. After we get your vitals stabilized at a comfortable level we can have you transfered to our cardiac unit where you will be carefully monitored until a donor heart arrives. Or...there is a well acclaimed and accredited cardiac rehabilitation care center located a few hours from here that we can transport you to where you will remain thus said until a donor heart is found."  
  
"A hospital prison..."  
  
"I know it might sound like it, but the center specializes in the care of patients such as yourself and carries further medical equipment that we do not have here. I recommend that we look into that option. I can have them contacted this afternoon and made aware of your situation and have you set up to be transported there within a few days-"  
  
Brian shook his head sharply. Being shipped off to a medical imprisonment was something he had never thought of considering. He refused to believe that the situation was as bad off as the doctor was making it out to be. He was healthy, so there was absolutely no reason for him having to be faced with such a problem. His previous team of doctors had promised to of fixed the problem years ago and now he was being told otherwise that along the line somewhere through out the years something had happened and things weren't fixed liked they had originally believed. "That's out of the question."  
  
"Mr. Littrell...I advise you to not be so quick to disregard this option," Dr. Henrich started.  
  
"My family is here. I'm not gonna let myself be shipped away to some care facility that's gonna keep me from my family."  
  
"It would only be a few hours away-"  
  
"I can't leave my family."  
  
"They're going to want you to receive the best care that is available to you."  
  
"Then if it's as bad as you say it is, find an option here," Brian snapped, his voice faltering in his throat. He felt the tears stinging the corners of his eyes as his heart palpitated roughly in his chest. "I can't leave my family..."  
  
"All I'm asking is that you give it some serious thought Mr. Littrell, because time is of the essence," Dr. Henrich said. He rose from his seat a few seconds later. "Get some more rest and we'll get you transfered to a regular room sometime this afternoon. I'll be back to check on you later."  
  
*****  
  
As if they hadn't seen enough of it the day before, the weather had kicked back into gear and was unleashing a second dosage of watery fury. The rain seemed to fall harder, playing a symphony of drum beats against the window; shadows of the droplets streamed down the inner walls of the room. Brian watched it carelessly, his eyes hardly focusing on much of anything. As tired as he was, he couldn't find the energy it took to actually fall asleep. Not that he wanted to anyway. He almost feared closing his eyes, with the thought sending a chill to his very core. They had finally moved him to a regular room, as Dr. Henrich had informed him that morning, and the trip had been nauseating. Just the motion of watching the ceiling tiles fly past over head made him sick to his stomach. He had been somewhat relieved when they had him settled in the new room and finally left him to his peace.  
  
On a tray that spanned the width of the bed, a cold lunch consisting of soft foods sat untouched. It was all unappealing; the green jello, the chocolate pudding, the juice and milk. Brian had scrunched his nose in disgust when the deliverer had brought it into the room, but he received it nonetheless with plans to save the pudding for his son when the child come to visit that day. He knew Baylee would be absolutely delighted with the offer and it would satisfy the child for the time being. Turning his vacant attention from the window, Brian looked up towards the clock on the wall. The seconds seemed to tick by slowly. Although with each second that passed, another moment of his life was gone.  
  
Tick...another moment passed...   
  
Tick... he was one second closer to dying...  
  
His heart jumped at the thought and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, inhaling short gasping breaths. Tick...tick... If he had been capable, he would have torn the clock from where it was mounted on the wall and smashed it against the hard floor until it lay in a pile of unfixable pieces. But he could hardly move in the bed, let alone cause any sort of destruction.  
  
"Daddy! You is awakes!" Baylee cried out with a cheeky grin as he came tearing into the room, his grandfather lagging closely behind in his wake. The child burst forward with an explosion of energy and nearly tripped over his own feet in the process before he reached his father's bedside. He grinned further as he came to an abrupt halt, peering mysteriously at his father. Brian held his breath as his child as his child seemed to study him. "You take nap like doctor tell ya?" Baylee questioned sternly; his bottom lip pouted outward as he attempted seriousness.  
  
"Yes sir," Brian answered with a small nod, silently recognizing the fact that he was thankful for the humor in his life that his son never failed to deliver.  
  
Baylee's eyes sparkeled towards the response. "I bring you 'prise!"  
  
"For me?" Brian repeated. He glanced shortly at his parents and felt his gut wrench towards their sad smiles. But Baylee stole his attention back as the child struggled to climb up and sit on the edge of the bed. Harold stepped forward to object, but Brian lifted a hand to wave his father off. "He won't hurt me," he whispered and allowed Baylee to scoot closer. Baylee held both hands out and Brian realized his son had been clutching two objects the entire time. He recognized the tattered brown dog with the floppy ears upon eye contact and smiled softly. "You brought me Nuggles?"  
  
"So you won't be sad no mo'," Baylee answered.  
  
"Why do you think I'm sad?" Brian asked in surprise, although he knew Baylee read people like a book.  
  
"You no smile..." Baylee answered quietly. "Nuggles make you feel better and make you smile..."  
  
Brian felt the breath catch in his chest with astonishment as his son pressed the stuffed animal into his grasp. "I love it, buddy...Thank you."  
  
"He insisted on bringing that to you from the moment he woke up this morning," Harold mentioned. "How are you feeling?"  
  
Brian stared at his father for a moment, wondering how he could ask a question as such. He detested the sound of each word. "As best as could be," he finally answered, hoping his father wouldn't catch onto the fact that he was lying through his teeth at that very moment. He would never admit openly that pain had surgered through his body when Baylee climbed onto the bed, but somehow he figured from the reflection in Harold's eyes that they hadn't been fooled for a second. He refused to risk the chance of shattering his son's heart though and cause the child's smile to fade, though. He turned his attention back onto Baylee. "I have a surprise for you too. It's under that lid right there," he mentioned, pointing at the closed lunch tray.  
  
Baylee's mouth formed a tiny 'o' as he tentatively reached out for the tray and slowly lifted the cover. Ignoring the liquids and the jello, his hand instantly shot for the small pudding container. "Choco' pudding!" he gasped in awe and held it up for Harold to see. "I share with yous Daddy!"  
  
"That's alright, buddy...I'm not very hungry right now," Brian replied. He watched his father take a seat in an uncomfortable manner. "Where's Mom?"  
  
"She went to your place for a couple of hours to rest. She will be back later though," Harold answered. He watched in silence for a moment as Brian interacted with Baylee, prying the lid to the pudding open and presenting the child with a white plastic spoon. It pleased Baylee enough, causing him to fall into a silent stupor as he indulged in the sweet treat. "I ran into Dr. Henrich a few minutes ago...I think we need to talk about the conversation the two of you had this morning..."  
  
Brian winced. "This isn't the right time, Dad..."  
  
Harold frowned. "You can't avoid this, Brian. As much as any of us don't want to face it, especially you...it's not something that can be pushed aside and forgotten. We need to not waste anytime in mapping out a plan of-"  
  
"We are not going to discuss this in front of Baylee," Brian snapped in a light headed daze. He brought a hand up to his face to shield his eyes from the light of the room and focused on catching his bearings. "He doesn't need to be hearing this."  
  
"Brian..." Harold started.  
  
"Baylee doesn't need to be hearing this," Brian repeated sharply. It wouldn't be fair to push such a delicate matter on the child, and in all honesty, Brian didn't want to hear anymore about it. Harold sighed with a tight nod.  
  
"Want some more company?" a hesitant voice, laced with familiarity, called out from the open door. Brian and Harold turned their attention across the room to find a haggered looking Nick sticking his head through the doorway cautiously. "I mean, if you're having family time, I understand-"  
  
"No, that's quite alright, Nickolas. I was just about to take Baylee down to the cafeteria for a bite of lunch," Harold explained to ward of Nick's odd uncomfortable stare. "I'm sure Brian won't mind if you come in and keep him company while we are gone."  
  
"Don't wanna go," Baylee whimpered as he finally looked up from the chocolate substance, dark brown smudges along the outline of his lips. "Wanna stay with Daddy."  
  
"It will only be for a little bit, Bubba. It's time for lunch and Nana will be mad at me if she thought I let you eat only pudding for lunch," Harold explained.  
  
"Choco pudding, Papa!" Baylee corrected.  
  
"Even worse. We'll go eat lunch while your daddy talks to Nick."  
  
"Uncle Nicky be here still when we get back?"  
  
"Maybe, but only if we hurry."  
  
Brian watched as his father raised Baylee up into his arms and the two of them departed from the room. A thick silence draped over the atmosphere, leaving the ticking of the clock on the wall to once again echo against his ear drums. Brian focused on Nick, noticing the way his friend seemed to refuse to look in his direction at all costs. "Are you just gonna stand there all day or are you actually going to come in?" he questioned with as much of an attempt at teasing as he could possibly manage.  
  
Nick looked at him slowly. "Yes...I mean no...well, I want to, but...I mean, what if you're-"  
  
"Just because I'm dying doesn't mean I'm contagious," Brian blurted before he had a chance to give his words of choice a second thought. He watched Nick visibly wince towards the comment.  
  
"Don't...don't say that," Nick sputtered as he moved his body fully into the doorway.  
  
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean it like that," Brian whispered in an awe of disappointment towards himself.  
  
"Well, just don't say it," Nick repeated, finally taking a step forward into the room. He hesitated once again, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his pants and he stood there staring at his dirt stained Nikes. Brian noticed just how disheveled his friend actually looked, going as far as to guess that he appeared as bad as Brian himself felt, like absolute crud.  
  
"Really Nick, you don't have to stand the whole time. There is a not so comfortable chair over here, but it's a chair none the less," Brian spoke, his brows raising slightly. "You at least gonna take a seat and stay a while?"  
  
"Sorry," Nick mumbled and slowly began to drag his body over to the chair. He lowered himself into it and stared at the window, past Brian, where the rain continued to fall furiously.  
  
"Nick-"  
  
"I hate the rain," Nick interrupted.  
  
"That...was random," Brian replied.  
  
"I really hate the rain."  
  
"Like I said, that was random."  
  
Nick turned to him, his eyes vacant of their usual spark of life. There wasn't a trace of mischief hidden in his blue orbs. A dismal mask of emotions covered his face and he seemed to try to hide behind it. "How did this happen?" he whispered, leaning forward and unevenly resting his elbows on his knees. "You've been healthy for years. They promised that they had fixed your heart when you had that surgery."  
  
"Don't think I haven't given that any thought," Brian returned quietly.  
  
"Maybe there's been a misunderstanding. Medical files get mixed up sometimes. It doesn't happen often, but it's not unheard of. So maybe they mixed your file up with someone else's file," Nick suggested, but even as he spoke, his voice waivered. It was only obvious he didn't even believe his own assumption. He was just looking for some other way, one that would provide a logical explanation as to how his friend's life was suddenly hanging in the balance.  
  
"I think you watch too much tv..."  
  
"No. I'm trying to make sense of everything, because none of this makes any sense," Nick fired back, his shoulders trembling. "You can be perfectly healthy one day then be dying of heart failure the next."  
  
"Maybe I haven't been as healthy as we all thought," Brian shrugged.  
  
"How can you be acting so nonchalant about this?" Nick demanded.  
  
Brian stared at his friend in surprise. Nick's chest heaved as he breathed heavily and tears brimmed the edges of his eyes. "I'm not acting non chalantly about this, Nicky," he wheezed. "I'm scared to death about what is going to happen."  
  
"Then we need to do something about it. What did the doctor say?"  
  
"I need a heart transplant, but-"  
  
"So we have to find you a new heart-"  
  
"It's not that simple, Nicky."  
  
"We can't just let you lay here and die!"  
  
"You don't think I understand that?" Brian burst. "I don't want to die! God, I don't want to die!" He gasped out and instinctively reached for his chest as pain started to explode.  
  
"Brian, what's wrong?!"  
  
"It hurts..."  
  
"What should I do?!"  
  
"Just..." Brian continued to gasp and let loose a cry of discomfort. He clutched tighter at his chest. He tried to focus on Nick's expression of panic, but his vision blurred from the tears that were streaming down his cheeks and the bursts of pain that intensified in his chest. "It h-hurts...Nicky...G-get...get the doctor...p-please!"


	7. Chapter 7

Brian watched with a troubled expression as Baylee continued to lay nestled against his side, deep in a peaceful slumber. He was at least thankful for that much because his child had grown extremely cranky throughout the evening hours, refusing to part from his father and begging in a tearful frenzy for Brian to come home with him. The small boy couldn't grasp onto the idea that Brian leaving the hospital just wasn't possible at that moment and it made Brian feel like an unloving parent to have to tell his child so. But after hours of tearful pleas, Baylee had become restless and only agreed to calm down once he had been allowed to snuggle in the bed with his father. It had taken nearly an hour more before the boy finally slipped into a sleep that Brian hoped would last long enough so his child would get substantial rest. Now he sat propped in bed, the first time doing so since he had been in the hospital, and stared numbly at the wall mounted tv directly ahead. The volume had been set down low, but he paid not the least bit of attention to the images that flashed. They blurred one into the other until they were lines and shapes Brian wasn't able to make out individually.  
  
"He's finally asleep," Jackie called from the doorway as she first poked her head in, then stepped onto the threshhold with Brian's father close behind. Jackie moved to her son's side and peered down at her sleeping grandchild for a moment, a frown curling her lips downward. She smoothed the blonde curls atop the child's head before leaning down to press a light kiss against his cool forehead.  
  
"Well...it's late so it's best he be sleeping," Brian answered quietly, avoiding his mother's stare to keep from seeing the overbearing concern and sadness radiating in her eyes. He didn't like it.  
  
"He was terribly upset...wore himself out I suppose," Jackie added softly and lowered herself onto the edge of the bed.  
  
"He's a child who's upset because his daddy is in the hospital and he doesn't understand why his daddy can't go home with him," Brian rambled absentmindedly as he wrapped his arm tighter around Baylee's small frame and pulled him closer, almost more so for his own personal comfort. "He doesn't understand the concept of a hospital...he's just a child..."  
  
"Baylee will be fine," Harold spoke and grabbed the closest chair to take a seat. He could hear the uneven tone in his son's voice and hated that he could read the second meaning behind his words without difficulty. The fear was only all too evident in Brian's eyes and Harold hated the fact that there wasn't a single thing he could say or do that would tame the demons plaguing his son's soul. "What's important right now is that you focus on yourself and make sure you rest."  
  
Brian opened his mouth to object, but realized his argument would be weak in comparison to all that was taking place. He turned his head downward and focused on listening to the soft even breaths that blew from Baylee's parted lips.  
  
"Brian?" Jackie said in a questioning tone as a heavy silence began to settle over the room. She reached out to grasp her son's shoulder, hoping to keep his attention for more then just a brief moment. It stung to watch him trying to avoid their eye contact and made her wonder just what all was going through his head.  
  
"Hmmm?" Brian murmured.  
  
"We spoke to Leighanne-"  
  
Brian immediately looked to his mother, his eyes coming alive for the first time since his parents had entered the room. He appeared absolutely elated at the mention of his wife and seemed to straighten in his posture. "When?" he eagerly questioned, his voice a mere whisper as he struggled to force it to project.  
  
"A few minutes ago before your father and I came back in to see you," Jackie explained, glancing at Harold briefly. "Everybody has been trying to reach her since you have been in the hospital, but she said they are having a nasty bout of weather that has been going on for the past few days and it's been interfering with the phone lines as well as the cell phone towers, so her phone has been off." Jackie frowned towards her son's paling complexion. Dark bags had begun to accumulate under his eyes and only worsened as the time passed.  
  
"Does she know?" Brian croaked with a deep breath.  
  
"Your father explained to her what was going on," Jackie answered, offering a tight nod. She placed her hand lightly over Brian's, squeezing it gently. Seeing the continuing question blaze in his fading blue eyes, she smiled briefly. "She is going to try her best to get a flight home as soon as possible, but with the weather situation, you need to understand that it is going to be difficult. Alot of flights have been grounded because of it, but she is trying sweetheart and she sends her love to you and Baylee."  
  
"When can I talk to her?"  
  
"She said she would call back as soon as she finds out about flights."  
  
"Leighanne will make it here. You know she will do whatever it takes to make that happen," Harold added.  
  
"What am I supposed to tell Baylee?" Brian asked as he gazed down at his son. "He was asking about her before he fell asleep..."  
  
"We tell him that his mommy will be home as soon as she can," Jackie answered. "Baylee will be fine though. It's you we need to focus on. You need to keep from getting worked up-"  
  
"I'm fine," Brian interrupted sharply. "It's Baylee I worry about...and the others. They haven't even been in to see me, besides Nick, and I am afraid that I have scared him off..."  
  
"He's only worried about you and is feeling guilty for earlier today. Your father calmed him though, but he's just as much in the dark about all of this as we all are. He's having a hard time understanding."  
  
"I told him to go home for the evening; he needs to calm down," Harold said, noting Brian's expression of trouble. "AJ and Howie have been in meetings all day with various levels of your management and they said they would be by early tomorrow. As will Kevin with Kristin. She just got back into town late this afternoon; he had to pick her up. But none of them are abandoning you, son."  
  
"Why wouldn't they if I am dying?" Brian stated bluntly, his voice cracking. He looked away almost instantly, ashamed of the statement even as it left his mouth. But his fear of abandonment elevated that much more with their absence and his incapability to know what was going to happen.  
  
"Don't you let me hear you talking like that again, Brian Thomas," Jackie scolded weakly as she leaned back from her son. "I don't want to hear that kind of talk again."  
  
Brian watched his parents for several minutes in a thick silence. He could feel himself melting under their returning stare, yet he still found himself speechless. He knew his words had been foolish, but they just didn't understand. How could they possibly understand? His parents were only outsiders looking in and witnessing a once healthy man suddenly beginning to die. It just so happened that that man was their son. "I'm sorry..." he finally whispered.  
  
"I'm not going to sit here having you talking like you've already given up," Jackie trembled.  
  
"I'm scared Mom."  
  
"You have every right to be scared but don't you start talking like you've already given up."  
  
"Your mother is right, son. And we're going to look into every option we have," Harold said. "But the best thing we can do is stay calm and focus on now. There's no sense in getting worked up over something we have no control over at the moment." He rose slowly from the chair and smoothed out his untucked thin polo shirt, fidgeting with the hem and the sleeves...anything to keep his mind diverted from the sight before him. But there was no getting past it and when he finally looked up again, he found Brian watching him expectantly. "I'm going to take Baylee home for the evening. Mom is going to stay here again tonight."  
  
"You're taking Baylee?" Brian repeated.  
  
"You know the doctors won't allow him to remain here all night with you. Besides, it's late and you know as well as I do that he should be at home, sleeping in his own bed," Harold answered.  
  
"I..." Brian trailed, but he relented softly. "Ok..." He watched his father move carefully to the opposite side of the bed, taking great care to not tangle any of the IV tubing. Harold leaned forward, removing the extra blanket a nurse had brought in, and cradled Baylee in his arms. The boy cried out in his sleep, squirming slightly within a burst of weak whimpers, but sank into his grandfather's embrace, not waking for a second. Brian sighed, both in relief that Baylee remained asleep and also for the fact that he would no longer have his son by his side. And then the two were gone, Harold taking the one thing that could keep Brian sane.  
  
*****  
  
"Alright, Mr. Littrell...we're going to take this nice and slow."  
  
Brian cocked a humored brow in the nurse's direction. This one was different from the one he'd encountered in the days before. Her name was Marge, he believed, if he had read her name badge correctly. He actually felt a sense of comfort from her actions and the tone in her voice, something he was surprised to find. She was up in her years with a kind warm smile that set Brian's mind at ease and her accent, english he was guessing, was refreshing. "I don't believe I'm in a position to be making any sudden moves," he joked as he pushed his legs to drape over the side of the bed. With Marge on one side of him and his mother on the other, he placed his body weight against the cold tiled flooring and slowly began to rise. Almost immediately Brian felt himself waiver and he reached to grab his mother's arm for support. His legs wobbled like jello and his head spun dangerously. He blew out a quick breath. "Wasn't expecting to feel like that..."  
  
"You've basically been lying flat on your back for the past couple of days, Mr. Littrell, and your body has been under quite a load of stress," Marge explained, keeping a firm yet gentle grip on Brian's arm. "It may take a minute for your body to readjust to being upright once again. That's why we need to take this slow."  
  
Brian grimaced as a small tremor ran down the length of his spine. He breathed deeply. "I'm not much in the mood to be up and moving. I mean, is this really necessary?"  
  
"Brian, you haven't even moved an inch," Jackie chided her son lightly. "Don't be so stubborn."  
  
Brian frowned in a pout. "I'm allowed..." he mumbled.  
  
Marge chuckled, working with Jackie to keep Brian steady and upright. "I'm afraid it is necessary, sweetheart. It's Dr. Henrich's orders to get you out of bed and moving around this morning, before they take you down for testing and x-rays," Marge explained further. "It will just be a few paces around the room. That doesn't sound so bad, now does it?"  
  
"Yes," Brian answered seriously. His head pounded as he focused on the wall ahead of him. His heart was beating something horrible against his ribcage, causing a dull pain to echo in his chest. "Should my heart be beating this quickly already?"  
  
"Just relax..." Marge soothed. "Lets have you take a step forward."  
  
Sighing, Brian did as he was told, only to find that his feet didn't seem to want to move as quickly as he had expected and any reserve of energy he had saved drained from his body further. But he trained his focus downward, feeling all too much like a cripple and the helplessness was almost overpowering.  
  
Marge smiled. "There we go. That wasn't so hard."  
  
"Look Mommy...I can walk..." Brian cackled quietly.  
  
"Do you think you can take another step, Mr. Littrell?" Marge asked.  
  
Brian appeared to ponder the question for a moment. "I think I can...I think I can...I think I can..." he mimicked, only to receive a sharp squeeze of warning against his arm coming from his mother's direction. "What?" he whined.  
  
"Stop being so stubborn," she repeated, although she was trying to hide the laughter in her voice.  
  
"You're doing a good job, Mr. Littrell," Marge commented, "Before we know it, you will be running laps around these halls."  
  
"You're joking right?" Brian breathed heavily through several more paces around the room. Only for him, his feet seemed to feel as if they were dragging through a thick sludge. The room spinned further, his heart beat faster, and with each second that passed it became increasingly more difficult to catch his breath.  
  
"Of course I am," Marge answered.  
  
"Good..." Brian wheezed, pausing and leaning slightly sideways into his mother. "Because I'm not feeling so great right now."  
  
Jackie stumbled slightly with the new weight and studied her son's complexion. Beads of sweat had begun to accumulate along the hairline of his forehead. His eyes drooped and he breathed heavily. "Honey, what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing...just lightheaded..." Brian murmured. He swayed slightly and reached upwards towards his chest. "My chest..."  
  
Marge frowned. "What is wrong with your chest, Mr. Littrell?"  
  
"H-hurts..." Brian murmured and lurched forward. He felt himself falling face first towards the floor, but his mother quickly caught him before he could hit, causing his stomach to churn. His face paled considerably and he gagged as the knots in his intestines tightened. "I-I think I'm going t-to be sick..." Then before he could prevent it, a hot liquid spewed from his mouth, the acids of his stomach stinging the inside of his mouth. He watched pathetically in embarassment as it splattered the floor around his bare feet and Marge's white shoes. "Oh God..."  
  
"My my...now we weren't expecting that to happen," Marge spoke as she slowly diverted the ailing man away from the mess and back to the awaiting bed. Brian sank against the mattress weakly as the nurse pulled the loose hospital gown down from his shoulders. She examined the area of gauze covering the surgical site, carefully proding at the red, irritated skin. "I suppose we may have pushed it a little too far for the first time. We'll take it slower next time."  
  
"The moving around caused him to get sick?" Jackie questioned in confusion as she assisted Marge in readjusting the blankets over Brian's body.  
  
"I suspect it's the new meds I administered when I first came into the room. Dr. Henrich is trying different regimens to see which ones work best in Brian's case. He probably just had a bit of an allergic reaction. It's not unusual," Marge answered and adjusted a few knobs on the IV machine. "We'll let you rest for right now, Mr. Littrell."  
  
"Those weren't new shoes were they?" Brian asked shamefully.  
  
"Hospital issued," Marge smiled. "Don't worry about it, hon. It happens. Just lay back and take it easy. Dr. Henrich should be in soon to see you."  
  
*****  
  
The room was nearly empty with the exception of a few chairs lined against the opposite wall and a small foot table that was oddly placed in the middle of the room. He looked around, his nostrils flaring at the sterile scent. They had brought him to that room nearly fifteen minutes before, promising he would be attended to shortly. Now he sat in the discomforting silence, one that brough a heavy unease. He looked around, but all he saw was a bland dreary sight. Grey walls, cold hard floor, and he could feel the air conditioning that was cranked too high. It was like being stuck in a could lonely cell; all he had to wait for was the lights overhead to go out and enguly him darkness. Brian shivered against the automated draft.  
  
The door opened, echoing an eerie creak throughout the entirety of the room. Brian looked up to watch as a small girl was wheeled into the room by a middle aged nurse, one that reminded him of Marge, only younger. The woman smiled at him briefly before moving the small girl only feet away. "Mr. Henry will take you for xrays in a little bit," the nurse said. "You behave until then."  
  
"Always," the girl smiled sweetly, glancing up. She watched as the nurse left the room, then went back to a small sketch book she had been cradling in her lap the entire time. For a few moments she etched in silence, her face poised in concentration. Then like a flip od a switch, she looked up and studied Brian as if she was just now noticing his presence in the room. "You here to see Mr. Henry also?" she asked simply.  
  
"Mr. Henry?" Brian repeated, blinking.  
  
"The guy that runs the xray machine," the girl explained. "He's really smart...knows lows of stuff. You here to see him?"  
  
Brian nodded slowly. "I guess..."  
  
The girl abandoned the sketch pad in her lap and wheeled herself closer. She continued to study Brian, looking him over from head to toe. She seemed to be contemplating his stature. "Name's Isabella." She thrust her hand out for him to shake.  
  
Brian just stared at the girl. She could have been any older then seven or eight years of age and appeared way too thin and lanky for her frame. It made him wonder. "I'm Bri-"  
  
"I know who you are," Isabella interrupted with a small giggle of awe. "My mom is a fan. But...why are you here?"  
  
"I..." Brian hesitated. His head swam towards the innocence of the child's nature. Yet she still couldn't get past her frailty, despite the air of strength she was trying to create to hide her weakness. "I got really sick a couple of days ago...they wanted to run some tests," he finally answered with a small shrug.  
  
"Is it your heart again?" Isabella asked quietly.  
  
"How do you know about me having a heart problem before?" Brian returned in surprise.  
  
"My mom is a fan, remember?"  
  
Brian nodded and opened his mouth to reply, but never got the chance to speak. A short, stuby man came shuffling into the room, face bearded like a lumberjack. The only thing that said he was otherwise was the generic navy blue hospital scrubs that appeared one size too small for his body. "Miss Izzy! How are we feeling today?" the man greeted with a genuine smile. He walked over and gave the child a tight squeeze. "Still getting those headaches, I suppose?"  
  
"Yeah..." Isabella mumbled and immediately turned her attention back upon her sketch pad. Although this time she just sat there with the pencil poised above the paper.  
  
The man frowned. "Well, hopefully we can figure out today what is causing you to get those headaches. We'll solve the mystery."  
  
"Yeah," Isabella repeated, not once looking up and all traces of the innocent child like smile had disappeared.  
  
The man's name was Mr. Henry and five minutes later as Brian was being assisted onto a stiff retractable board with the help of several nurses who had been waiting in a seperate room, he understood exactly what Isabella had been talking about when describing the technician. The man hadn't stopped speaking once since bringing Brian into the room and showed an obvious need to explain every single detail of the xray procedure Brian was about to undergo. Rudely, Brian hadn't listened to a single word the man had said thus far. Instead he found himself focusing on the large machine he was about to be shoved into.  
  
"Alright, Mr. Littrell," the technician's voice echoed from within the PA system embedded in the wall. "We're gonna get this started and see what's going on with that heart of yours. Just remain still, try to relax, and this will be perfectly painless. If you feel any discomfort at all during the duration, just give me a shout."  
  
Brian let out a slow breath as the machine kicked on with a quiet whirl. He could feel his heart beat rise in pace as he was electronically slid backwards into the encasing. "That little girl out there...Isabella...can you tell me what's wrong her?" he called out, his brows furling as worked to keep his breathing steady against the unease of being stuck in such a small space.  
  
"She's very sick, Mr. Littrell. The poor thing has cancer and her doctors suspect there may be tumors on her brain that are causing her to suffer from migraines constantly," Mr. Henry answered in a hollow tone. A few clicks and low whirl echoed after his voice. "Here we go. Remain as still as possible as the machine scans you. It'll be over before you know it."  
  
Brian bit down on his bottom lip and closed his eyes as the red beam began to slow move up his chest.


	8. Chapter 8

Brian's mind wandered as he found himself being wheeled down another seemingly endless hallway. He could finally breathe again, which was saying alot considering his senses had failed during the xray procedure and he felt like he was beginning to suffocate. It was foolish, this he realized when it was all over and they were pulling him out of the machine, but it had felt all too real at the time and being confined in such a small space had allowed his imagination to run completely wild and out of control. He wanted out of that building and far away where he felt nothing could touch him or harm his well being. But right then he couldn't see himself arguing with being able to rest back in his hospital room.  
  
The procedure had only lasted ten minutes. The technician had run several different scans, but didn't once say a word about what had come up. Brian wasn't so sure he wanted to know the details. It was hard enough knowing what Dr. Henrich had already told him. Why he needed further proof, Brian didn't understand. Isabella was still in the holding area when they had wheeled him out of the xray room. The girl was a whimpering mess and being attended to by a young woman applying a cold wash cloth to her forehead. It was then Brian noticed the lack of hair atop Isabella's head; the baseball cap she had previously been wearing was absent.  
  
Now he sat in silence and preferred it that way. The nurse taking him back to his room had attempted small talk, but he never fueled it in return. Room after room they passed. Two floors up on the elevator seemed to move slowly until they were back on the floor Brian recognized from when they had headed down earlier. The emptiness of the hallway hosted a cool draft, sending trembles to the very depths of his bones. "Here we are, Mr. Littrell," the nurse announced and stopped them just short in front of a closed doorway. She stepped sideways, twisted the knob, and pressed the door open. Back into his prison cell he figured.  
  
"Leigh?" Brian suddenly found himself gasping in surprise. There she was standing directly ahead. He didn't understand. It was only the previous night that he had been informed of his wife being contacted. She had never called back and yet there she was right in front of him, appearing more haggard then he had ever seen her look. "When did you get here? How did..?" he asked quietly as Leighanne moved slowly towards him. The next thing he knew, she was leaning down and wrapping her arms carefully around his neck and he felt himself melting in her embrace.  
  
"I got here not even a minute after they took you for xrays," Leighanne answered as she pulled back slightly then pressed a light kiss against his lips. "I don't know how I managed to miss you on the way."  
  
Brian felt a smile curling at the corners of his mouth. "But Mom said you would call back when you found out about flights. I didn't think you would make it here for days."  
  
"I didn't think I would be able to either, but I was lucky to book a last minute flight and barely made it to the airport in time to board the plane. I tried calling your mom when I was on my way to the airport, but there was alot of empty zones and I never had the chance to place the call when I got there," Leighanne explained as she softly caressed the skin of his cheeks. She frowned towards his tassled hair and the bags under his eyes. His skin was such a pale tone it was almost frightening. "I was finally able to call during the two hour lay over in Denver. But you were sleeping and I didn't want you to be woken up."  
  
"I'm just glad you are here," Brian whispered and allowed Leighanne to help him stand from the wheelchair. He grasped her hand tightly and stumbled towards the bed. The nurse, promising the doctor would be in soon, grasped the handles of the wheelchair and excused herself from the room. Brian stared at his wife as they sat slowly. "I missed you..."  
  
"I missed you too," Leighanne replied, carefully situating him against the mattress. "How are you feeling?"  
  
Brian let himself rest comfortably against the pillows, sighing as he reached to pull the layers of blankets over the lower half of his body. "As best as could be expected," he answered, although he found there wasn't much truth or conviction in his voice. He just didn't have the energy to voice just how horrible he was actually feeling at that moment. That and seeing two pairs of eyes in the room radiating concern was overwhelming and only made him feel that much worse. "Tired...but I'm feeling better..."  
  
Leighanne frowned, moving her hand forward to smooth the matted dark blonde curls from her husband's forehead. "I don't understand," she mumbled as she studied the nearly hidden expression of anguish on his face. "When your mom called and said that you had suffered a heart attack and were in the hospital-" Leighanne paused briefly and looked back over her shoulder towards her mother-in-law who was speaking softly into her cellphone. "I don't understand how this happened and so suddenly-"  
  
"I don't know. I-I was feeling sick for a couple of weeks, but I thought it was only something I had caught while I was taking care of Baylee when he was sick. The flu...I thought it was just the flu..."  
  
"But your heart...how could nobody have caught that there was a problem?"  
  
"I don't know," Brian repeated softly. "I didn't feel out of the ordinary...it was sudden."  
  
"But you're gonna be ok now? We'll do whatever we have to do to fix this?" Leighanne asserted firmly, her eyes searching for an agreement in Brian's. But she saw no affirmation and squeezed his hand tightly once more. Her whole body trembled as she scooted closer to his side.  
  
"That was your father," Jackie spoke up, rising from the chair across the room. She slipped the small sleek phone into her purse and moved towards the bed. "Him and Baylee are on their way. He also spoke to Kevin who should be by with Kristin sometime later this afternoon."  
  
"You're overreacting, Howie!" a voicetrous shout wafted into the room from somewhere down the hallway. As the three in the room listened, they could hear two pairs of footsteps slapping against the tiled flooring, hurrying quickly in their direction.  
  
"I am not overreacting!" came the reply, dripping in an anger full of emotional daggers. "You ruined my car!"  
  
"It's just a tiny dent!"  
  
"A tiny dent, AJ!? The whole front left corner is dented in! How can you call that a tiny dent?!"  
  
"Shit man, who lit the fuse to your tampon?!"  
  
"YOU! You ruined my car!"  
  
"Like I said, you're overreacting!" AJ spat as he burst through the open doorway. He stopped short just a few feet into the room, causing Howie to slam into him square in the back. He looked at his shorter friend and glared, only to receive an even icier glare in return.  
  
"Do I want to know what happened?" Brian questioned hesitantly, peering at the two pestered, seething friends.  
  
"D's pms'ing," AJ answered nochalantly.  
  
Howie pushed past AJ. "I'll have you know that I have a perfectly logical reason to be upset right now."  
  
"Yeah, you forgot to take your midol this morning," AJ snickered.  
  
"YOU RUINED MY CAR!"  
  
"Boys..." Jackie warned.  
  
"It was just a minor mishap-" AJ began, but Howie quickly cut him off.  
  
Howie pointed accusingly. "It was not minor! AJ managed to dent the whole front left corner bumper of my new jag while pulling into the hospital parking lot!"  
  
"That speed sign jumped in front of me," AJ shrugged.  
  
"You shouldn't have been going twenty over the speed limit in the first place!"  
  
"Cry me a river, D. I said I would pay to get it fixed. The world is not coming to end. Besides, lower your voice, yeah? Brian's trying to rest. You shouldn't be yelling. Oh yeah, by the way, hey B!" AJ rolled off the tip of his tongue cheerfully and stepped past the burning latino. "Leigh, you made it...we've been trying to get ahold of you."  
  
"Bad weather limited communication...I had no idea anything was going on," Leighanne replied lightly, returning the hug AJ threw around her shoulders.  
  
"Well, it's good you're back. B here was about to have a shit fit with you being gone," AJ rambled as he took a seat in one of the chairs at the bed's side. He contemplated Brian, unable to ignore the worn-down stature of his friend. "Don't you ever scare me again like you did the other day..."  
  
"I'll keep that it mind..." Brian mumbled.  
  
"Howie?" Jackie called out. "There's an open chair with your name on it if you'd like to take a seat? You don't have to stand there the whole time."  
  
Howie continued to stand in place for a moment more, lips pursed tightly together as he watched silently. But as his demeanor slowly broke down, he sighed and shoved his hands into his pants pockets and walked over. However he remained standing. "How are you feeling, B?" he asked, frowning.  
  
"I'm ok," Brian answered shortly. "I'm fine, really..."  
  
"You don't realize how worried we've been."  
  
"I..."  
  
"We're just glad to see you awake. For a while there, we thought we had lost-"  
  
"Nah, can't get rid of me that quickly," Brian chuckled quietly with a small smile. He was hoping a small sliver of humor would ease the tension of the room, but it didn't happen. It was almost unbearable to see the sullen expressions on the faces of those surrounding him, especially when his own wife sat close to his side on the verge of tears. It sent a pang of undescribable guilt to his core, even when he was well aware that he wasn't in control of the situation. He just didn't want to be the center of reason for their sadness. "So the meetings with management yesterday?" he began after minutes had passed by and not a single word had been spoken. The silence made the air in the room almost suffocating.  
  
"Naturally they are curious about what brought this on..." Howie started slowly, shooting a sidewards glance in AJ's direction. However AJ was refusing to meet his stare. "They asked a lot of questions...they weren't expecting anything like this to happen. None of us were."  
  
"I'm sorry," Brian whispered.  
  
"Why are you saying sorry?" AJ blurted in surprise as he looked up.  
  
"I've really caused a mess with this, haven't I?"  
  
"I wouldn't even say you've hardly caused a mess," AJ retorted. "Like Howie said, we weren't expecting this. You weren't expecting to have a heart attack and then find out-" AJ's voice fell short prematurely and he looked away again.  
  
Brian winced; he wondered how long it would be before everyone became comfortable with voicing aloud the fact that he was going to die. Would he ever be able to? "Has it gone further then management?" he questioned hesitantly.  
  
"What do you mean?" Howie asked, although he knew exactly what Brian was hinting towards.  
  
"The press."  
  
Howie inhaled deeply. "No, as far as we are all aware, this hasn't leaked to the press yet. But management brought that possibility up. It's only a-"  
  
"Matter of time before it does," Brian finished. "I know."  
  
"Which we also discussed how we would handle that," AJ continued, rising from his chair and pacing several feet around the room. "If and when the press catches wind of you being here, management will set up a time and place for a press conference. Right now they want to keep it as tightly under wraps as possible."  
  
Brian scoffed sarcastically. "I can just imagine the headlines now when the press finally finds out."  
  
"But they haven't found out yet," Howie repeated. "So I don't think it's worth the stress of worrying over it until it actually happens. You most of all don't need to be worrying about that. Let us take care of it."  
  
"You mean let you take care of damage control when the whole damn world finds out I'm dying?" Brian spat before he even realized the words were slipping from his lips.  
  
"Brian..." Leighanne gasped. Brian's body quivered as he clenched his eyes shut, hiding from the awful stares he received.  
  
"Don't say that," AJ reprimanded weakly as he froze from his pacing abruptly. His eyes narrowed almost dangerously, but behind his stern exterior, the tears were quickly rushing forward. "I'm not accepting that statement...neither should you."  
  
"AJ...I-" Brian began, but AJ quickly interrupted him.  
  
"Just...don't...say...it," AJ stressed each word.  
  
Brian sunk further into the mattress and pillows, clearly taken aback from the conviction in the younger man's voice. His eyes jumped from one stare to the other; the sadness he saw was nearly sickening and all he could think of was he was to blame for it all. He was causing a tear, one that would become irrepairable and there was not a thing he could do to stop that tear from ripping further. He felt like an invalid with a time bomb on countdown, ready to explode at any given second. All he could do was just wonder when the explosion would happen. And when it did, what would he be left with? What would any of them be left with?  
  
*****  
  
Ahead of them, Dr. Henrich stood motioning with his hand towards the xray sheet illuminated from the lightboard mounted against the wall. He spoke term after term, but his words sounded so foreign, Brian was having a hard time keeping up and registering in his brain all that was being said. He looked away from the doctor for a moment. To his left, his parents sat closely together, hands linked tightly for support. Unshed tears welled in his mother's eyes and she was visibly willing them not to fall. His father's expression was set in stone, unwaivering. Brian didn't know how to read it. To his right were the two people keeping him remotely sane at that moment. Baylee remained cradled in the warmth of his mother's arms, the same position he had been in from the moment he walked into the room to the time he ran over to Leighanne in a frenzy of tears. The little boy refused to part from his mother and Leighanne appeared to not want it any other way.  
  
"This spot we can see right here," Dr. Henrich explained, pointing towards a darkened mass on the sheet, "Is the hole we saw during the surgery three days ago. As of right now, it is stable and I don't suspect it to increase within the next few days or really any time soon, but it's stability isn't permanent. That we were able to determine from the visible evidence of damage during the surgery. Now right here, slightly below the hole is a small line referred to as a tear in the lining of the heart. It could be a direct result of the hole or a defect caused from other reasons. As of now it doesn't pose a direct threat and it will continue to be monitored through out your treatment."  
  
"I don't understand how this could have happened so suddenly," Leighanne spoke up as she looked down to hug Baylee closer, noticing the child had lulled himself into a light peaceful slumber. She reached to smoothe his soft curls. "How could this not have been caught sooner?"  
  
"That is the most hopeful outcome," Dr. Henrich replied, switching the lightboard off and slipping the xray sheet in a protective envelope. "That isn't always what happens though. In your husband's case, I suspect the sudden occurence was caused by a viral infection. However, that would not cause the opening of the hole in his heart. That is something that has been happening over a period of time and without any symptoms...there would be no reason for anyone to suspect that something like this could or would happen."  
  
"It just doesn't make sense," Leighanne stated, shaking her head in a vehement manner. "Dr. Henrich...my husband is a healthy active man. He had surgery years ago to fix this problem. Isn't fixing the problem supposed to mean that it won't come back years down the road?"  
  
"At the time, that is what the evidence showed. But when it comes to nature, Mrs. Littrell, science and medicine can't always predict the future. It's never set in stone," Dr. Henrich answered in a soft tone.  
  
"Then what did I do wrong?" Brian cut in, swallowing the lump that had lodged itself in his throat. He had remained quiet for too long and the desperation for answers ringing in Leighanne's voice was enough to eat away at his insides. He clenched a handful of the blankets in his fist to steady himself. "Did I cause this? Somewhere along the way did I do something that brought this all back?"  
  
"No, Mr. Littrell. I don't believe so," Dr. Henrich disagreed. "That's what is tricky when it comes to birth defects. The fact that you were born with a hole in your heart to begin with already set you on a path of instability. Yes, science and medicine have advanced greatly over the years and there are procedures that can correct some defects, but others...there are just some defects that don't come with a permanent solution. There's no way of ever foretelling that, though. Only time."  
  
"So I'm supposed to just sit around and wait to die?"  
  
"I am not saying that. There are always options and like I said before, it's important we explore all the options that are available to us."  
  
"No."  
  
"No?" Leighanne repeated in a whisper of surprise as she turned her attention to look at her husband.  
  
"We already have your husband on the national donor recipient list and I have discussed with him some options that are available-"  
  
"And I told you no," Brian interrupted with a steady glare.  
  
"Mr. Littrell-"  
  
"I am not going to allow you to ship me off to some medical prison hours away where I'll be kept from my family!"  
  
"Brian, son..." Harold called out, releasing his grip on Jackie's hand to rise and take a hesitant step towards the bed.  
  
"No..." Brian muttered, shaking his head. "It's not acceptable."  
  
"But if there is something, some place that could help you," Harold tried to reason with his son, but Brian would have none of it.  
  
"I said no."  
  
"You can't disregard it so quickly," Leighanne argued.  
  
"I can, and I will. There are other ways to go about this," Brian snapped, but his tone wasn't nearly as strong as he had hoped to project it.  
  
"Mr. Littrell, it's something you need to seriously consider and talk it over with your family. Whatever options we have we need to weigh heavily on what we are dealing with at hand here. You need to understand that," Dr. Henrich said.  
  
"I think that's for me to decide," Brian replied pointedly.  
  
Dr. Henrich paused, withholding a sigh of defeat. He knew continuing to argue at that point would be of no help, and he feared the stress in the room would elevate too high to be handled. "All I ask is that you and your family give it great thought. I don't recommend you gambling with the time that you have left." With his last words, Dr. Henrich gave a nod of apology and departed from the room.  
  
"Brian..." Leighanne whispered.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it, Leigh. Please..." Brian mumbled weakly, avoiding her stare.  
  
"But-"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Mommy..." Baylee whimpered quietly as he began to squirm within Leighanne's arms. His lips puckered into a saddened pout as his tiny fists clung to her simple light grey tshirt.  
  
Leighanne stared down at the sparkling blue orbs of her son's eyes, fighting back the tears that were threatening to burst forth. "Oh sweetheart, what's wrong?" she soothed, offering as much of a smile as she could possibly muster. She watched as her child struggled into a upright position, rubbing tiredly at his face. His curls stuck out in every direction, giving him an all too uncanny resemblence to his father. It struck a sour chord in Leighanne's heart.  
  
"Daddy gots a heart ache," Baylee answered, stiffling a yawn. "Gots sickies in his heart."  
  
"You're right sweetheart," Leighanne nodded softly. "Lots of sickies."  
  
"Doctor gonna make Daddy feel better."  
  
"I sure hope so."  
  
"'Cause no want Daddy sad no mo..." Baylee mustered and unlatched himself from his mother's arms. He carefully climbed from her lap to the bed and paused at his father's side, his bottom lip pouting outwards. Then without saying a word, he threw his arms around Brian's neck and rested his head on his father's shoulder. "Love you Daddy," he whispered moments later, unmoving an inch.  
  
Brian felt himself taken aback from his child's innocence. Baylee had no idea; he was too young to understand. But it still didn't stop him from believing he could change the world and Brian couldn't bring himself to change his son's way of thinking and break his spirit down. Instead, he brought his arms up and wrapped them around Baylee's frame, holding him close. Even if Baylee couldn't change Brian's whole world, he was at least thankful for his son's capability to make him forget his troubles, if even for just a moment.


	9. Chapter 9

The instant the warm heat from the sun hit his face, he breathed a sigh of relief. He sucked the fresh air into his lungs, happy to be free for a short while from the confines of the thick walls of the hospital. The weather had improved considerably since the rain storm they had seen pass through the area days before, and he was at least thankful for the opportunity to venture outside, despite the extra physical stress he could feel weighing down on his body. He sat quietly, listening to Leighanne's footsteps pad softly behind him as she pushed the wheelchair in which he sat. His wife hadn't said a word since they had stepped outside, and for the time being he had been content with the silence, allowing himself to enjoy the warmth. Now it sent his nerves running wild, and suddenly the silence wasn't so comforting anymore. "Leigh..." he spoke out, unable to do anything but stare straight ahead. "Baby, talk to me."  
  
"I'm sorry," Leighanne apologized as she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss atop his head. Yet the show of affection wasn't nearly as friendly or heartfelt as Brian had expected it to be. He found it laced with a tense hesitation and he didn't like it one bit. "I was just thinking."  
  
"Want to tell me what about?" Brian questioned, grimacing as Leighanne wheeled him up over a bump and onto the path that lead into the courtyard in the outside center locale of the hospital. The path curved to the right, taking them further from the opening. "Frankly speaking, the silence is becoming a little deafening, if you know what I'm saying."  
  
"I find it kind of peaceful," Leighanne answered absentmindedly.  
  
"You know what I mean," Brian said, his brows creasing. "I don't like it when you're this quiet. I just wish you would talk to me." Once again Leighanne didn't answer. She moved them slowly along the path, curving again to the right when it split off in opposite directions. Strategically placed bushes lined the path on both sides, the shades of green varying from dark to light, an attempt to provide peaceful privacy and comfort for the patients of the medical facility. Periodically they passed by an eloquently designed half moon stone bench, flowers the hues of purples and pinks littered the grass in perfect setup. As much as he hated to admit at that very moment, Brian couldn't deny the fact that he was in awe of the design of the development. He just wished he was there for a different reason, or not there at all.  
  
Then just as quickly as they had started moving, Leighanne brought them to an abrupt halt. The movement sent a shock of surprise through Brian's body, so much so, that he twisted in his seat to stare at his wife, only to find her hastily turning her head in the other direction to avoid his stare. "Leigh..." he whispered, reaching out to lightly graze her arm with his fingertips, but she shied away from his touch.  
  
"I...I don't know what to say," Leighanne stuttered, hugging herself against a non existent draft. She furiously tried to blink back the tears that were burning at the corners of her eyes, but from the single tear that had slipped down her cheek, she had already failed at doing so. "I don't even know what to think," she continued. "Everything was ok when I left. You were fine. How could this be happening? How did it happen?"  
  
"I don't know," Brian struggled to answer, twisting further in his seat, hating the way it seemed that his wife continued to inch further away from him. "I never knew anything like this was going to happen. I didn't want anything like this to happen. I didn't mean for it to happen. Leigh, please...don't stand so far away-"  
  
"Oh Brian," Leighanne whispered, raising a clenched fist to her mouth to stiffle a soft cry. Her bright eyes glistened over as she took a faltered step forward. She watched him intensely, her body visibly trembling. Stopping at his side, she leaned down and cupped his face in both her hands. "I didn't mean it like that," she mustered, "But you have me so worried right now. What are we going to do about this? How are we going to fix this?"  
  
Brian stared at his wife in a dumbfounded state of stupidity. He had been asking himself the same questions since everything had happened and he had still yet to come up with an answer that would solve it all. "I don't know, Leigh. I honestly don't know," he answered quietly. "I haven't even had the chance to grasp the fact that this is even happening-"  
  
"But certainly we musn't just sit back and let you fade away-"  
  
"Don't say that," Brian recoiled in an awed shock. His wife's fearful words struck an awful chord in his chest and made him physically sick to his stomach. He heaved a deep breath into his lungs, his heart palpitating wildly. "I-I'm not gone yet. I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Leighanne stared at her husband. He appeared so tattered and torn, as if his whole self being had been shattered from his ailment. He resembled nothing of the man she had left behind a month before. It terrified her. His eyes drooped to hint at his exhaustion and his skin had paled so considerably that it hinted nothing towards its normal golden hue that Leighanne adored so much. "I don't want to lose you period," she stressed unevenly, her voice faltering with nearly every word. "This just isn't right, Brian."  
  
"You aren't going to lose me," Brian said and instinctively reached out to grasp his wife's hand, only to be left in surprise as she pulled away. "Leigh-"  
  
"How can you say that?" Leighanne returned sharply. "How do you know? Have you even listened to what your doctor has been telling you? This isn't something that is just going to go away. It's your heart, Brian. Your heart."  
  
"I know-"  
  
"Then how can you just sit there and deny the options that are available to you? Why are you refusing the help?"  
  
"I-"  
  
"You what?"  
  
"It's not that easy."  
  
"What isn't that easy?"  
  
"You think I want this to be happening? God, Leigh, my mind is racing right now! I can't process anything! I'm scared to death because I don't know what is going to happen to me!"  
  
Leighanne lowered herself to her knees in front of her husband, forcing the tears to remain at bay. She placed both hands upon his knees, feeling the way he shook beneath her touch. "Then why are you so against that hospital Dr. Henrich mentioned? If it can help you, why-"  
  
"Because I don't want to lose you and Baylee. I am scared of being taken away from the both of you," Brian attempted to explain, but all he could manage were a few feeble sentences and his voice failed to project further. His vision blurred as he watched the distress intensify within the beautiful features of his wife's face. He had missed her when she was away more then anyone could have understood and he had never imagined their reunion would be anything like it was at the present. Brian had imagined welcoming his wife home into his open arms where he would be allowed to make up with her the time they had been missing. Instead he found himself struggling to make his wife, and himself, understand just what was happening before them.  
  
"What about us though?" Leighanne pressed. "Have you thought about what it would do to us if we lost you forever? Your parents? Your friends? Myself? What about your children?"  
  
"Baylee is-" Brian opened his mouth to answer but found himself falling silent as he searched Leighanne's eyes for what he assumed he had just heard his wife speak. His heart raced further as he fumbled to grab her hands tightly. "Y-you just..." he stuttered, swaying slightly. He wasn't sure if it was from the heat or from the dizzying revelation he was trying to clarify. "My children...I don't understand?"  
  
"I'm..." Leighanne hesitated.  
  
"You're p-pr-...pregnant?"  
  
Leighanne glanced away briefly before offering a short nod.  
  
"When did you find out?"  
  
"Maybe a week after I left?" Leighanne answered meekly. "I had my suspicisions...I had overshot my period by several weeks, but I figured it was probably due to all of the stress leading up to the final filming process. But then...I started getting sick frequently in the morning. I knew what the test was going to say before I even took it. I was having the same symptoms that I had before we found out about Baylee..."  
  
"All those times we talked...why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I wanted to surprise you when I finally made it home," Leighanne attempted to explain. "I'm naturally worried sick because this is happening to you, but don't you see now there is someone else being affected by this?"  
  
"Leigh, I...we're going to have another baby?"  
  
"We are."  
  
"Does anyone else know?"  
  
"Only you."  
  
Brian sunk into the wheelchair, pulling Leighanne up into his embrace. He held her close, ignoring the pain that surged through his body. Suddenly everything became all the more complicated and he couldn't help but let the tears start to fall once more.  
  
*****  
  
The buzz around the hospital that a high status patient had been admitted on one of the floors had spread like a wild fire, much faster then Marge could have cared for. She could hear the hushed whispers as she passed by the younger female nurses, but she paid not a bit of attention to the gossip. She kept strictly to her daily duties, the job for which she was being paid. However, Marge couldn't help but notice the stares of envy she received each time she prepared to walk into Brian Littrell's room, the man causing all of the excitement. Not many were permitted to enter due to strict orders, and being she was one of the many few on the hospital staff overlooking his care, she saw to it that his privacy remained well respected.  
  
Carefully balancing a medical chart atop the lunch tray she carried in her grasp, Marge paused shortly just before his closed door. She reached out to twist the handle, and upon hearing it click, she leaned her hip into the large door and pushed her way into the room. "Good afternoon, Mr. Littrell," she called out politely to make her presence known. She looked over the stack in her arms to find her patient lying on his side, his back facing her direction. He was the only one present in the room, a change from the group of family that had congregated to his side recently. When she didn't receive a reply, she moved closer, stepping to the opposite side of the bed. His eyes were open, but he seemed to be staring rather blankly out the window. "You are awake. I was afraid you may have been sleeping," Marge mentioned, placing the tray down and opening the medical chart to shortly glance at the scrawls of writing. "I brought your lunch."  
  
Brian shifted ever so slightly under the layers of blankets and mumbled a small reply, not once removing his gaze from the window.  
  
"I'm sorry dear, but I'm afraid you will have to speak up a little. I have become a bit hard of hearing in my old age," Marge chuckled, looking up from the papers. She found a pair of clouded blue eyes staring back at her, although vacant of all expression. "I suppose you will be pleased with today's selection for lunch," she continued. "Dr. Henrich has promoted you to solid foods."  
  
"I'm not hungry," Brian grumbled in reply, looking away once more.  
  
"But you must eat, dear, so you can regain your strength. You haven't eaten a thing since you were admitted. Certainly you aren't feeling well-"  
  
"Exactly. I don't feel well, so I don't want to eat."  
  
"Is your medication making you ill again?"  
  
"No."  
  
Marge frowned, lowering the medical chart. "Why so blue today, Mr. Littrell?" she questioned and began to busy herself in checking Brian's vitals. She motioned for him to sit up and placed a blood pressure cuff around his upper left bicep. "I figured you would be smiling non stop since your wife arrived. Charming woman she is."  
  
A small smile teased the corners of Brian's mouth, but the sign of emotion was gone almost as fast as it had appeared. Brian sighed, feeling the pressure against his muscles as the cuff tightened around his arm. "I'm ecstatic," he answered quietly.  
  
Marge removed the blood pressure cuff from Brian's bicep and set it aside. She placed the end of the stethescope against his chest and listened intently for a moment."Then where is that smile of yours that I have seen a time or two since you have been here?"  
  
"It's on vacation?" Brian answered meekly.  
  
"I doubt that, dear."  
  
"Sorry, I just have a bit on my mind right now."  
  
"Anything you need to talk about?" Marge offered.  
  
Brian shook his head. "No. It's just something I need to be able to process. Haven't been able to do so yet."  
  
"Well, if you need to talk, between the needle poking and vitals checking, I have two ears I can lend you."  
  
"I appreciate the offer, Marge. Really."  
  
There was a disturbance towards the door at that moment as Marge straightened her posture and removed the lid from the lunch tray. The aromas from the meal inside immediately wafted into Brian's nostrils and sent his stomach twisting into tight knots of disgust. He looked back up at Marge as she smiled apologetically. "Sorry, dear. It's hospital food I'm afraid."  
  
"Am I interrupting?" a voice called out from the doorway. Both turned their heads just in time to see Kevin stepping into the room, hesitantly moving forward. He peered towards his cousin's bed, finding the nurse beginning to prepare the meal before him. "Ah, I see I'm just in time for lunch," he attempted to joke, noting the look of disgust upon Brian's face.  
  
"Help yourself," Brian grimaced, motioning to the tray.  
  
"I think I may have to pass," Kevin declined. "Kris and I stopped for lunch before coming here."  
  
"I don't blame you for not wanting to eat this sludge," Brian grumbled in return. "I thought you said I had been promoted to solid food?" he questioned Marge.  
  
"Baby steps, Mr. Littrell," Marge replied with a smile and turned to Kevin. "Very nice to see you again, Mr. Richardson."  
  
"And you as well," Kevin answered politely with a nod.  
  
"I'll leave you and your cousin to visit," Marge said. "I know your lunch appears unpleasant, Mr. Littrell, but do try to eat."  
  
"So that is what they try to feed you here?" Kevin joked lightly as he took a seat.  
  
"I'd hardly call it food," Brian said, replacing the cover on the tray.  
  
"Well, good news is my lunch was decent."  
  
"Ha ha...you're funny."  
  
"I know I am. Just ask me."  
  
"I'd kill for a Big Mac right now."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"Where's Kristin?"  
  
"In the cafeteria getting juice and peanuts."  
  
"Odd combination."  
  
"That's not the worst of it. You don't even want to know about the craving she woke up with last night and made me run out to get at four in the morning."  
  
"Spare me."  
  
Kevin chuckled. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say she's pregnant."  
  
Brian withheld a gasp as a certain pang struck him in the core. He tore his gaze away from his older cousin, unaware of the bewildered stare that cast across Kevin's face. Leighanne's revelation echoed in his mind as he took a deep breath and squinted at the window. "You never know," he drawled slowly. "You guys have been trying for a while now?"  
  
The shrug was evident in Kevin's voice. "Trying, yeah. Just not having any luck. Kris is a bit discouraged. She won't admit it, but I can see it in her face everytime one of us brings the subject up."  
  
"You both deserve a child."  
  
"So what's the latest news?" Kevin questioned casually, although he was sure his attempts at small talk weren't turning out nearly as well as he had planned. He couldn't keep his mind from returning to the moment he had watched Brian collapse to the ground and then the horrifying news they had all learned of shortly after. Kevin had a hard time believing it was even possible at all.  
  
 _'I'm still dying'_  Brian thought with a grimace, but couldn't bring the shameful words to pass his lips. He turned to Kevin with an impish smile. "I've been promoted to solid foods," he giggled.  
  
Kevin groaned. "Sounds like something Nick would say when he's supposed to be acting serious."  
  
"I'm easily influenced," Brian shrugged with a grin. "What can I say?"  
  
"Uncle Harold told me Nick stopped by to visit yesterday," Kevin mentioned seriously.  
  
"Stopped by to visit?" Brian scuffed. "He practically ran out on me after five minutes."  
  
"You sound like you were just dumped by a girl," Kevin replied, raising a brow in humor, even when the concern still coated his tone and he hated the dejection reflecting in Brian's demeanor.  
  
"It was his choice."  
  
"You can't hold it against him," Kevin answered quietly, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. He fisted his hands beneath his chin and studied his cousin further. "He's just scared...we all are. You know how Nick is. He's never reacted well to things like this."  
  
"You mean me dying?" Brian glared.  
  
"Brian..."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I've never reacted well to myself dying either."  
  
"That's not what I meant," Kevin answered sullenly as he sunk back into his chair, allowing his voice to die out. The two locked gazes in silence for several minutes. Kevin found the tense pressure in the room nearly unbearable as the silence thickened.  
  
"T-they want to send me away to some institution," Brian spoke moments later, catching Kevin off guard from the weakness in his voice.  
  
"Send you away?" Kevin tried to clarify. "Who?"  
  
"My doctor...mom and dad...Leigh," Brian answered, coughing roughly to clear his throat. "It's um...it's a cardiac hospital they want to put me in until a donor heart can be found."  
  
"That's good then, right?"  
  
"No, it's not."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Kev, they want to lock me away," Brian snapped, his eyes turning a deeper darker shade of sapphire. He rubbed at his temples, grimacing towards the pounding that had developed and continued to elevate. "They are trying to send me to this institution where I will be locked up and kept away from my family. And there is a chance that a donor heart may never be found. Do you know what that means?"  
  
"Bri-"  
  
"Why is this happening to me?" Brian trembled, his body shaking with the anxiety that plagued his very being. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them. "Why now, huh? Why is this happening now? After all these years...?"  
  
It was a question Kevin found himself unable to answer, no matter how far he searched the depths of his mind. He didn't understand it either and that scared him. "I wish I could answer that cuz, but I can't."  
  
Brian scuffed with a strangled laugh. "Nobody seems to be able to."  
  
"They're still running tests aren't they? Surely they will find some cause and be able to give you answers," Kevin suggested, although he couldn't even get the strong conviction to project in his tone. And it was obvious Brian saw the doubt in his eyes.  
  
"Leigh's pregnant again," Brian blurted in such a low octive that he spoke in nearly a whisper. He released his arms from around his knees and pushed the blankets away from his body. Standing from the bed, he stepped towards the window to shield himself from the expression of shock that passed over Kevin's face.  
  
"When did you find out?" Kevin asked.  
  
"This morning after she got here," Brian barely answered, his shoulders slumping.  
  
"That's great news though, cuz!" Kevin said as he rose from the chair and walked towards his cousin. He paused just a step behind him, hesitating. "Aren't you happy about it?"  
  
Brian turned. "I find out I am dying and then I find out my wife and I are going to be having another baby. Where can I find the chance to be even remotely happy?"  
  
"You're going to have another child though-"  
  
"And I'll be taken out of it's life before it will even get the chance to know who it's father is," Brian stuttered, faltering where he stood. "I'm not going to get the chance to watch my son grow up and now another child is being brought into this?"  
  
"But you don't know that for sure-" Kevin began to argue but fell silent as Brian let forth an agonizing sob of despair and all Kevin could do was wrap the shorter man in a strong embrace.


	10. Chapter 10

As he pulled up to the towering black iron fence and lowered the window, AJ didn't expect an answer when he reached out and pressed the bell that would make his presence known to whoever was within the expansive household ahead of him. The silence thickened as he continued to sit there and wait, but with no surprise, he never received a response. He pressed the button several more times before finally entering the code against the keypad. The heavy gate immediately began to swing open and AJ directed the car slowly forward, peering up at the mansion through the windshield with a sigh of annoyance. Everything appeared in order and if he wouldn't have known any different, he would have suspected that nobody was home. But he knew better; they all did.  
  
Rough gravel crunched under the soles of his shoes and he stepped from the vehicle and into the blazing warm mid afternoon air. AJ pressed his sunglasses further up the bridge of his nose and slowly moved towards the steps leading up to the front door. He contemplated his next move for a moment before raising his fist and slamming it against the door multiple times. Like before, he received no answer and he growled in frustration, knowing more then likely his friend would be unwelcoming.  
  
There was an oddly placed small flower pot stowed in a shadowed corner to the right of the door and AJ crouched before it, studying it carefully. He rolled his eyes seconds later as a memory sparked and he reached toward the uneven potting soil piled inside. He moved the soil around for a moment, making a hole several inches deep until he finally uncovered a tiny metal box which he immediately removed from the pot and pulled towards him. AJ unhooked the small latch on the front and lifted the lid, grinning slightly when he found what he was looking for inside. He grabbed the key and stood, allowing the box to fall to the step with a loud clang, which he ignored. The key slid perfectly into the lock and clicked. AJ twisted the handle and pushed the door open and stepped inside.  
  
The air was considerably cooler and made way for a dead silence. AJ kicked the door shut with his foot and tossed the key to the small table beside him. He looked around, listened. Not a sound registered in his ears. He walked through the front foyer, across the white marble tiles and entered the living room. It was empty just as he had expected. "Where the Hell you at Carter?!" he called out, wincing as his voice echoed through the seemingly empty household. He crossed the threshhold of the living-room and began to ascend the large staircase, dodging randomly placed items of clothing Nick had semed to of just carelessly thrown about. His friend's lack of cleanliness came as no surprise. Nick had never held much regard for order in his life when he was at home. AJ couldn't blame him though. He himself failed miserably when it came to housekeeping.  
  
A long dark hallway loomed at the top of the stairs and AJ hesitated for a slight moment before climbing the final step and trudging along the soft carpet. The floor padding cushioned each step as he made his way closer to the room at the end of the hall. The door was semi closed and he peered in silently, squinting at the darkness shadowed vicinity. With the drapes drawn AJ could hardly see a thing. He stepped in and moved towards the bed where he could barely make out the crumpled form of his friend buried beneath a heavy pile of blankets. Without a second thought he reached for the nearest pillow and sent it slamming down onto the top of Nick's head with as much force as he could possibly manage, producing a muffled, disgruntled groan. Immediately Nick began to shuffle within the tangle of blankets, yelling a string of obscenities as the pillow came slamming down once more.  
  
"What the flying shit?!" Nick spat as he roughly threw the covers away from his body and struggled to sit up. He fought wildly to untangle the blankets from around his ankles, unaware of the bewildered stare coming from the culprit of the pillow attack. It was only when he finally stopped thrashing around that he noticed AJ standing beside the bed, clutching the pillow tightly in both hands. "AJ! What the fuck is your problem?! Better yet, what are you doing here?! No, how did you even get in here?! Breaking and entering is a felony!"  
  
"Shut your flapping trap, Nick," AJ replied non-chalantly as he sent the pillow sailing to the bed. He walked over to the floor to ceiling bay window and withdrew the drapes before turning back around to face his speechless friend. "Don't pull the breaking and entering bullshit card on me. I'm not the retard who, while drunk, told everyone where he hides his spare key. Besides-"  
  
Nick groaned in disgust and collapsed back against the mattress, rubbing at his temples. "What the Hell are you even doing here? It's seven in the morning," he interrupted, dragging a pillow to shade his face from the glaring rays of the sun shining through the window.  
  
AJ was at his side in a second pulling the pillow away. "Try one thirty in the afternoon," he glared.  
  
"Well thanks for the wake up call. Now get out!"  
  
"I came here to get your lazy ass out of this place and to the hospital where you should be."  
  
Nick stared at him stupidly for a moment. "Get out of my house, AJ. I'm not going," he finally answered, his eyes turning a murky shade as he pinched the bridge of his nose in concentration. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and moved to stand up, but AJ defiantly blocked his path. "What is your problem?!"  
  
"My problem is you and your selfish attitude," AJ growled, crossing his arms over his chest and planting his feet firmly against the floor.  
  
"Be your opinion as it may. But I'm not going," Nick repeated. He brushed past AJ and bent to retrieve a crumpled tshirt from the floor, pulling it down over his head. "I can't go there."  
  
"Why the Hell not?" AJ asked, watching him carefully. "He needs you there."  
  
Nick scuffed with a sarcastic nod. "Needs me there? I'm sorry but I disagree."  
  
"Are you even listening to yourself right now? How can you just stand there and turn your back on him like that?"  
  
"You're wasting your time, AJ," Nick sighed. "Just go away and leave me be."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere until you give me a damn good reason why you are giving up on B," AJ gritted.  
  
"Why shouldn't I give up on him when he has already given up on himself?" Nick argued, although his voice didn't project nearly as strong as he had planned. It faltered with each word until he finally blew out a strangled breath.  
  
"You're insane!"  
  
"No! You don't understand! I was there in his room the other day when he was refusing help and I was there when he damn near had another heart attack! I saw the death in his eyes, AJ! You didn't!"  
  
"How do you think Kevin felt when he watched his cousin collapse and nearly die right before his eyes?" AJ suddenly burst, shoving Nick backward onto the bed. He towered over him dangerously, pointing an accusing finger in the man's face. "Did you stop to think that maybe he was scared then and still is? Yet he's at the hospital supporting Brian like he should be. Like we all should be. We weren't there for B like we should have been the first time he had problems with his heart. But I for one don't plan on making that mistake again. What's happening to B is serious Nick...very serious and you're just going to shun him away?"  
  
"J..."  
  
"Because if that's what you're going to do, then I'm not sorry to say that you're a pathetic excuse for a friend and you disgust me!"  
  
"T-that's not fair..." Nick stuttered.  
  
"No?" AJ clarified with a raised brow. He began to back step towards the door. "Then you have five minutes to get dressed and prove me otherwise. I'll be waiting in my car." He slammed out the bedroom door, leaving Nick laying there in a stunned silence.  
  
*****  
  
The ride to the hospital had thus far been completely silent, minus the constant dull hum that came from the vehicle's engine. AJ kept a steady grip on the steering wheel, training his focus straight ahead while Nick hadn't shown any signs of life since slumping into the passenger seat. AJ would periodically steal a glance in the blonde's direction, but chose not to speak a word. He wouldn't admit it right then, but he felt guilty for the dejection reflecting in Nick's eyes. He just couldn't understand Nick's reasoning when it came to the matter of what was happening to their close friend and he wasn't so sure he would ever be able to understand it. For the time being, AJ figured it would be better if the subject was laid to rest. Maybe forcing Nick to face Brian once more would be enough to get the younger man to open up. AJ could only hope.  
  
The interstate was clogged heavily with commuters that afternoon. AJ could feel the impatience radiating from every vehicle around him as he found them stuck in stop and go conditions for nearly the entire duration of the drive. So when he finally sent them sailing freely down the exit ramp, AJ let a sigh of relief escape his lips. Mainstream traffic along the city streets proved to be an improvement from the flow of traffic on the freeway. They encountered only the occasional back up and found navigation to not be a problem. If only the dense blanket of silence could be broken, then he would have found the drive to be rather relaxing. AJ decided to try his luck and attempted to strike up a conversation. "So, uh...you still seeing that one chick?" he asked lamely.  
  
There was a subtle clearing of Nick's throat. He kept staring out the passenger window. "The tennis coach?"  
  
"No, the other one."  
  
"The kindergarten teacher?"  
  
"No."  
  
"The Hooters waitress?"  
  
"Yeah right, Nick. You? Dating a Hooters waitress?" AJ snickered, surprised for once that Nick had broken his vow of silence without putting up any sort of fight.  
  
"Ok, maybe we didn't date," Nick shrugged casually. "But we did have a really steamy one night stand."  
  
AJ chuckled. "Just admit it. You're single right now."  
  
"So what? Maybe I am enjoying not being tied down. Besides, you're in the same boat as I am. I haven't seen a girl hanging on your arm anytime lately."  
  
"Point taken..." AJ trailed, watching Nick sink back into his silent pit. He stared forward once more, ignoring the various buildings and signs that seemed to fly by in a blur of undistinguishable colors. "Would you stop slumping in that seat like a pile of trash? You're making my car look like shit!" AJ blurted before he had even realized he had spoken. He slammed roughly on the brakes as they sped up to a red light, sending Nick flying into the dashboard with a grunt of displeasure. AJ paused for a moment, inhaling deeply. He glanced to his right, seeing Nick gripping the dashboard, puzzled. "Sorry," AJ mumbled, slowly moving them forward. "Listen...I'm sorry for how I acted earlier, alright?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it," Nick answered flatly.  
  
"Nick," AJ sighed, "We're all in this together-"  
  
"Damnit J, I don't want to talk about it!"  
  
AJ pursed his lips as he directed the car into the hospital parking lot. Pulling into an empty slot, he killed the engine and they sat there in silence for a second. Without a word, they both stepped from the vehicle and into the afternoon blazing heat. AJ slipped the keys into his pants pocket, keeping a steady eye on his younger friend. Nick slumped in posture even as he walked. The blonde kept his eyes focused on the pavement, leaving AJ to wonder. It appeared as if he were fighting back something he wished none in the world be able to see. "Nick-" Before he could say anything further, AJ felt the breath catch in his throat as a rush of foot steps came towards them quickly from behind. Nick gasped out as their path faltered and they were stopped just short of the entrance doors.  
  
"AJ! Nick! A moment of your time!"  
  
"Shit..." AJ hissed beneath his breath as he slowly turned. He felt himself stumble backwards as a camera flew near his face, the flash blinding his vision temporarily. He blinked, catching a glimpse of Nick who appeared just as baffled and taken aback. A slew of reporters congregated around them eagerly. "Please, we need to get inside," he attempted to force his voice strongly, but it hardly projected.  
  
"Is it true that Brian has been admitted as a patient at this hospital?" one reporter called out.  
  
"Brian has been admitted for medical treatment-" AJ started to answer, however he was almost instantly interrupted by another reporter.  
  
"A source has informed us that Brian is on his death bed and will not live much longer! Is this true?"  
  
"Brian is not dying!" Nick burst, moving to take a threatening step forward. AJ grabbed his arm in a tight grip.  
  
"We have no more comments right now and we really must get inside," AJ stated, pulling Nick back.  
  
"And when can we expect an official statement from the group regarding Brian's condition?"  
  
"A press conference will be held soon."  
  
"When?" the reporter pressed. There were more flashes from the cameras.  
  
"When we fucking feel like it! Leave us the Hell alone!" Nick spat. AJ withheld a groan as he dragged Nick through the automatic revolving doors, leaving a flurry of questions unanswered as they hurried from sight.  
  
*****  
  
Kevin watched over Brian's son in an absentminded manner as the small child busied himself with the new electronic car his mother had presented him with as a returning gift. The toy sufficed enough to hold the boy's attention and allow the three adults in the room to keep their minds geared towards more pressing matters. A small smile curled upon Kevin's lips as he felt Kristin reach out and grasp his hand. "I'm ok..." he mumbled, wondering if he was saying it more for Kristin's benefit or his own. He peered across the room to where Howie was standing upon one of the chairs, attempting to switch the channels on the television set. Kevin almost let loose of a humored laugh towards his friend's height disadvantage until he saw Howie abandon the task and sink down into the seat with a troubled frown. He hadn't realized just how much they had worn thin over the past couple of days from the current situation. Kevin could only imagine how he himself must have appeared, considering he hadn't made much of an effort to stop and look in the mirror lately.  
  
"Look Uncle Howie! I can make the car go super fast!" Baylee spoke up, hoping to grab the older man's attention. As Howie turned to look at the boy, Baylee moved his fingers wildly over the buttons on the remote control, grinning in concentration. The small car sailed across the floor in Howie's direction before spinning out of control at the last second and colliding roughly with Howie's feet. Baylee's mouth formed a tiny perfect "o" as Howie cried out in surprise. "Uh oh Uncle Howie..." Baylee whispered in awe. "Car crashed..."  
  
"It hurt too," Howie grumbled, reaching down to massage his sore foot through the material of his shoe. But he managed a smile for Baylee's sake, seeing the sudden frown and hint of tears that had appeared.  
  
"Sowwy..."  
  
"Good, you're both here!" AJ raved as he came storming quickly into the room, Nick following in tow a few steps behind.  
  
"Where's the fire?" Kevin questioned, noticing the bewildered expression his friend was sporting as he paused just a foot in front of him. However, AJ stood there not answering as his chest heaved in and out to catch his breath. "What is wrong, J?"  
  
"Seems someone leaked to the media that Brian is here," AJ finally answered.  
  
Kevin frowned, pulling himself to sit fully erect in his seat. "Why do you say that?" he asked hesitantly, even though he knew it was a pointless question before he let it slip from his mouth. They all knew it would happen eventually.  
  
AJ removed his sunglasses hastily and took a seat. "Nick and I just got bombarded by a group of reporters outside the entrance of the hospital," he said.  
  
Kevin pondered the revelation a moment. "Was it bad?" he questioned, releasing Kristin's hand to rise and move towards the window. He looked out but was disappointed to find they were facing away from the entrance. "What was said?"  
  
"They wanted to know if B was here."  
  
"What did you tell them?"  
  
"I told them yes," AJ started to answer when he watched Kevin's frown deepen. "They're not stupid, Kev. And they're wanting a press conference from us and an official statement."  
  
"And you said what?"  
  
"Nick basically told them to shut the fuck up and leave us the Hell alone."  
  
Kevin grimaced towards AJ's choice of language, seeing Baylee's ears instantly perk up at the sound. "Baylee's in the room so watch your mouth."  
  
"Uncle AJ said a bad word," Baylee gasped in amazement.  
  
"Sorry kid," AJ apologized.  
  
Howie, who had been silent up until that point, spoke. "So where does this lead us-"  
  
"We need to tell B," AJ interrupted.  
  
"Not right now," Kevin answered as he turned back around to face the three pairs of eyes watching him. "Brian's got enough to worry about as opposed to a media frenzy over what is happening to him at the moment."  
  
"What about a press conference?"  
  
"We're gonna have to schedule one. We knew it would happen eventually...just don't think we were planning ahead from when it did happen."  
  
"I'll call management and get a time for a press conference set up," Howie offered distractedly. He rose from his seat and quickly excused himself from the room.  
  
"Kevin," Kristin called out. "Come sit down."  
  
"I'd rather not," Kevin replied shortly.  
  
"Uncle Nick?" Baylee spoke meekly as he tiptoed up to stand in front of Nick. When he didn't receive an answer, he lightly placed his hands upon Nick's knees and patted to grab his attention. "Uncle Nick?" he repeated with a small whimper.  
  
"What's up lil' man?" Nick croaked with a rough voice. He looked down just as Baylee climbed clumsily into his lap and threw his arms around his neck.  
  
"You sad and scared?" Baylee questioned.  
  
"I..." Nick tried to answer, but he found himself at a loss for words. "Yeah...I am..."  
  
"It's ok to be sad and scared, Uncle Nick," Baylee replied and rested his head carefully against Nick's shoulder. "Daddy is sad and scared too."  
  
Nick's jaw dropped at Baylee's words. The four year old couldn't possibly comprehend the meaning of what was happening to their family, yet he had all the ability in the world to comfort those struggling with the reality with such simple words that stung Nick deep in his soul. All he found himself capable of doing at that moment was hold Baylee close and allow the despair to pull him further.


End file.
